Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 11 February 2011

image for American Idol Bombshell: Adam Lambert, Simon Cowell, and Dick Clark All Agree On Who This Years American Idol Winner Will Be
San Francisco's Hopalong Cassidy Convention Center (Lower Left) where the American Idol auditions were held.

HOLLYWOOD - This year American Idol traveled to seventy-nine different cities and heard over 3 million AI wannabees sing, wail, scream, shout, yell, and even hum every song imaginable from "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)".

And although there are about 13 or so who truly stood out none stood out more than James Durbin, a young man from the city that made Rice-A-Roni, the 49er, the Giants, and gays famous, San Francisco.

Simon Cowell said that he was watching the auditions, in his black T-shirt and black boxer shorts with his totally naked fiancee Mezhgan Hussiany, from his Hollywood Hills mansion and as soon as he heard this 21-year-old hit the very first note he knew that he was one of the most fantastic singers that he has heard in a long time.

Dick Clark, known as the 'Oldest Teenager in America' said that he has never heard anyone with the octave range that this individual possesses with the possible two exceptions of Roy Orbison and Adam Lambert.

And Adam Lambert, known as Glambert and GlitterGlam, who finished second in the 2009 edition of American Idol said that listening to James Durbin gave him goosebumps which no other singer had ever been able to do.

Even Las Vegas odds-makers are already picking Durbin to go all the way and become the 2011 American Idol winner.

Rico Tallafini, owner of Bets 'R' Us in Las Vegas said that James Durbin could put out an album right now that would sell at least a million copies plus he could sell merchandising items such as T-shirts, posters, lunch boxes, boxer shorts, and tampons.

Tallafini said that Durbin is so damn good that even his grandmother Gina Georgia Tallafini, who is a 98-year-old church going woman, has placed a $2,000 bet on Durbin with Bets 'R' Us.

According to Bedroom Pillow Talk's Summersetter Faxx, the three AI judges, Steven "Lips" Tyler, Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez, and Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson and host Ryan Seacrest all stated off-the-record that there is no one who has a better chance of winning than Jimmy Durbin does.

In fact, Steven Tyler's band Aerosmith has reportedly already contacted Durbin and asked him that they want for him to take Tyler's lead singing role right now.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: It is no secret in the rock world that there has been no love lost between Tyler and his Aerosmith band mates ever since the band plotted to replace him two years ago with Adam Lambert. Tyler has not forgotten that and that is the reason why he decided to take the AI judges job.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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