Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 10 February 2011

image for Simon Cowell Shows He Has Some Balls and Pleads With Paula Abdul To Be The Third Judge On His New Show "X-Factor"
When Paula Abdul was fired from American Idol she got so depressed she began eating 25 cupcakes per day.

LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell has already signed British singer Cheryl Cole, the good looking sexy girlfriend of Derek Hough, to appear as one of the judges on his brand new reality singing show X-Factor.

Rumors running rampant throughout the Hollywood community have mentioned names such as Elton "The New Mom" John, Bruce "Father Time" Springsteen, Shania "The Blushing Bride" Twain, and Tatiana "The Screeching Drama Queen" Del Toro, as other possibilities for the third judges chair.

Simon Cowell has stated on several occasions that he personally would really like to have his old fellow American Idol judge and quasi mistress Paula Abdul as the third judge.

Tittle Tattle Tonight is reporting that Cowell has already officially told Ms. Abdul that he wants her to be the third X-Factor judge.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Cowell has told Abdul that she will be receiving the same exact salary as the second judge Cheryl Cole who signed for $16 million (£10 million - U.K.)].

Paula has admitted that although the offer is very hard to turn down she is not sure that she wants to put herself in a situation such as Kara DioGuardi found herself in last year.

It is no secret that during the AI commercials DioGuardi would put her hands underneath the judges table and play with Simon's 'Little Simon.'

It got so bad, that Kara even started playing her little game during the actual telecast and it got to where at times the audience in the studio and the viewers at home were wondering why in the hell Kara was sitting on Simon's lap.

DioGuardi got so carried away with her 'feely feely' and 'touchy touchy' out-of-line flirting with Cowell that Simon's fiancee Mezhgan Hussainy, an ex-Afghani freedom fighter, told the AI producers that enough was enough and that if they did not do something that she was seriously thinking about taking her Afghani freedom fighter serated knife and cutting off one of DioGuardi's pinkies.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: By 'pinkies' Miss Hussainy means one of Kara's little fingers and not one of her nipples.]

Hussainy met with the shows producers Simon Shindlebocker and Kyle Boot and she asked that Ms. DioGuardi be terminated immediately - and DioGuardi was fired within 45 minutes.

Abdul confessed to Tittle Tattle Tonight that when she was fired from American Idol two years ago she got so depressed that her weight ballooned all the way from 119 pounds to 237 pounds in just three short weeks due to her eating as many as 25 cupcakes per day.

She said that no one knew about her added tonnage, except for her maid Socorro, because for eleven months she (P.A.) did not leave the house once and no one ever visited her except for Ryan Seacrest.

And when Ryan did visit her Paula made him promise that he would not tell anyone that she was looking like Wynonna Judd, except not as tall, not as sarcastic, and not as conceited.

Right now Las Vegas is giving 2 to 1 odds that Paula Abdul will end up accepting Simon Cowell's offer of sitting in the third judge's seat.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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