Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

image for Sandra Bullock Bombshell: "Meryl Streep Is A Much Better Kisser Than Scarlett Johansson"
Bullock's Southern style Austin mansion which she named 'Casa Cajun Cookie,' after her adopted baby boy.

AUSTIN - One of America's most popular motion picture actresses recently spoke about the up and down year she had in 2010.

Bullock dressed in a pair of cut-off jeans and a University of Texas Longhorns jersey said that she has never in her life experienced the type of emotional roller coaster year she just had.

She laughed and said that one moment she's up on stage French kissing noted film actress Meryl Streep and the next moment she is reading in The Tinsel Town Times Tribune that her husband "Messy" Jesse is having multiple affairs with a bevy of tattooed skanks who look as if they all came out of the same carnival freak sideshow.

Bullock told 5T's Cashew Vixenheimer that the reason she never really realized that Jesse was having an affair was because since he owns West Coast Choppers he always smelled of motorcycle oil and as a result the cheap perfume that his 'bitches' (her word) wore was of course totally masked.

Sandra says that she should have realized the type of person Jesse was when he told her back in 2008 that he wanted for her to get a tattoo of a Nazi helmet on her bikini line.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Jesse James is one of the biggest collectors of Nazi memorabilia, artifacts, relics, mementos, and keepsakes in the entire United States. The only other person who possibly has the same degree of fascination with things of a Nazi nature that Jesse has is Glenn "Granny Teardrops" Beck.]

Shortly after finding out about her husband's affairs Bullock said that she turned to kissing women in an effort to get over the heartbreak she had been put through by the man that several well known entertainment media publications refer to as "The Dick With Feet."

Sandra said that she soon found herself on an award show French kissing the beautiful Scarlett Johansson. Bullock did admit that she had never told anyone this before, but kissing Scarlett made her go weak in the knees.

She confessed that she experienced a special feeling down in the deep recesses of her groin region that she had never before gotten even when she had kissed males such as Matthew McConaughey, Keanu Reeves, Harry Connick, Jr., Viggo Mortensen, and Troy Aikman.

When asked who of the two, Meryl Streep or Scarlett Johansson was the better kisser Bullock blushed and quickly answered that although Scarlett's lips smelled like a fragrant Tahitian breath of spring, Streep was the best kisser because of the way she amazingly manipulated her tongue as if it was an electric egg-beater.

Bullock is presently seeing Ryan Reynolds, who ironically is the estranged husband of Scarlett Johansson. Sandra says she really likes Ryan because he, like her, simply loves Willie Nelson, American Idol, The San Antonio Spurs, and her newly adopted baby boy Louis Bardo Bullock whom Sandra calls her little "Cajun Cookie."

Ms. Bullock will soon start filming on her second sequel to her movie 'Miss Congeniality.' The film will be shot in and around Austin and will be titled 'Miss Congeniality 3: The Beaver Shot Photo Shoot.'

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 2?

2 17 23 4

Go to top