Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 7 February 2011

image for Janet Jackson Throws A Temper Tantrum At Being Referred To As The "Black" Wynonna Judd
A recent photo of Janet Jackson's pet cat, Kanye Jr. (Photo courtesy of Rush Limbaugh).

LOS ANGELES- Janet Jackson has always been the member of the Jackson family that was noted for having quite a temper.

Brother Michael never even uttered the words darn, gosh, golly, or even harrumph. Sister La Toya is so mild and soft spoken that she could make a Boston nun seem like a Nazi storm trooper.

Janet was sitting at The Cafe La French Fry in West Hollywood having breakfast when she was asked by a reporter for The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette if she was aware of the fact that she had put on about 45 pounds within the past two months.

Jackson put down her plate of Orange Tartlettes, Pear Frangipan Croissants, and Lemon Meringue Eclairs and replied that she had noticed, since she does have access to mirrors unlike some Hollywood reporters with split ends.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Janet was referring to WHFG's Paprika Pittfauster, who does in fact have split ends, but which are hardly noticeable due to her gorgeously sexy 36-D chest.]

Pittfauster asked Jackson if the fact that she had not had a top twenty song since her 2007 song "Feedback" may be a contributing factor in her developing a kind of Naomi Campbellesque type attitude minus the employee floggings of course.

Janet said that she did have a song that made the top twenty in Kamgooganda. When Pittfauster asked her where the heck Kamgooganda was Jackson became annoyed and said that she would be willing to bet that even "Snowflake" Palin knew where it was.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Kamgooganda is located in Africa between the countries of Dutch West Wakaboonka and Upper Shambutu. Kamgooganda's average yearly per capita income is less than 95 cents. The country is the third largest spear producing nation in the world behind Lower Zamgola and British Boomboobanda, all located in Africa.]

Pittfauster next asked Jackson that other than obviously eating like hell, if there was perhaps some other reason for her tremendous weight gain which Pitty, as her editor calls her, said makes her look like the 'black' version of Wynonna Judd.

Janet exploded upon hearing that. She yelled that the Judd woman weighs 313 pounds whereas she only weighs a little over 284.

Pittfauster sensing that she had probably hit a very sensitive nerve again asked her if there was another reason for her being so big.

Jackson paused for a second. She took two bites out of her Pear Frangipan Croissant and said that there was a very good reason and the reason was that due to an old dancing injury which affected her tibia, femur, and tonsils she was unable to do any exercises, such as aerobics, sit ups, kickboxing, Tae Kwon Do, shuffleboard, red rover red rover, or synchronized swimming.

Pittfauster replied that she truly hopes that her old dancing injury gets better before she starts wearing Gabourey Sidibe's hand-me-downs.

Gabourey Sidibe weighs 603 and will soon begin filming the Sir Byron Biffinsbridge British oceanic movie epic dealing with the largest whales in the entire world, 'Ello Mates, Dar She Bloody Bloomin Blows Me Blimey Blokes!'

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 1?

5 3 1 4

Go to top