DURANGO, Colorado - Dr. Phil was in Durango attending a convention at the Durango Convention Center and Cosmetology College.
He was addressing The Officially Licensed Marriage Counselors and Marital Therapists of Colorado.
Dr. Phil McGraw, which is his real name, was the featured guest speaker and he was talking about how much things have changed in regards to what was once know as wedded bliss.
The doctor, who is also Oprah Winfrey's favorite doctor, but not Gayle King's attended Midwestern University, the University of North Texas, and Johnny Appleseed University and he spoke non-stop for three hours and forty minutes.
He covered everything from sending thank you notes for wedding gifts even if you did not particularly like those wedding gifts to the age old argument regarding the toilet seat.
After he had finished speaking he was told that he had received a call from Chelsea Clinton. He went into his dressing room and called her back and spoke to her for 29 minutes.
Dr. Phil could be heard yelling and screaming through the wall of his dressing room. Deemer "The Mop" Lushmeister who is the custodian at the convention center and cosmetology college said he heard the doctor holler out "Chels, I hope you are proud of the fact that because you wanted to act all high and mighty and pretend that you were some kind of high society little bitch like that fake blonde Paris Hilton that you have just cost your parents $4 million."
Lushmeister said that by then three other employees had joined him with their ears to the door. He said that he had to ask one to leave immediately when she started coughing uncontrollably.
Dr. Phil went on to say that her mother (Mrs. Clinton) could have used some of that money to have gone on some kind of weight loss program.
He then remarked that her father (President Clinton) could have used some of that money to make up the untold millions he had to spend to payoff former BFFs Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, and Fing Sue "Lola" Wang.
At this point Dr. Phil told Chelsea that since her husband of six months Marc Mezvinsky had already filed for divorce on grounds of Misappropriation of Ex-Post Facto Ipso Escrow Ex-Jasmine Villegas Et Inclusivito Numero 7 that she needed to do the right thing and repay the $4 million to her mom and dad (Hillary and Bill).
Apparently Chelsea told McGraw that she was not going to be doing that because he told her, "Look her you little twat, you have four degrees, so that shows me that you aren't a stupid dumb ass like Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, or Paula Abdul so you had better make arrangements to pay back the entire $4 million that my near and dear close friends Mr. and Mrs. Bill Clinton threw away on you.
Dr. Phil McGraw will soon be seen appearing as himself in Benigno Luigi Montemarciano's epic science fiction thriller, Attack of The Bitches and The Sons-of-Bitches From The Planet Pluto.