Written by Buck E Filbert
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Saturday, 5 February 2011

image for Howard Stern News: Forensic Test Results on Fred Norris's Crusty Fungus Chair
ordinany plants a weapon against us?

The preliminary test results are in from the samples taken from Fred's crusty, disgusting, odoriferous chair. As we all saw in earlier threads, Fred's chair is a total mess, there was no surprise when it was discovered that hidden in one of the channels on Fred's audio boards, was a pod of extraterrestrial origin that exhibited mind control properties.

Dr. Hailey Powder head forensic scientist at MIT specializing in botany and organic compounds did the initial testing and her findings are rather disturbing to say the least.

"We tested the crud samples from the chair in question and did end up with rather startling results. said Dr. Powder, not only did the plant we test have mind pacifying/altering influences on humans but it turned out to be of non terrestrial origins. The gelatinous goo we took samples of were of extraterrestrial origins as well".

The Doctor went on to explain that while some of the chemical components were identifiable there were a host of others that were not of earthly biology.

"Some of the elements were totally normal and easily identifiable but there were others that were silicone based. All life as we know it is carbon based, these samples are rare to say the least." volunteered Dr. Powder., "As far as we can tell the substance seems to be a highly concentrated fuel of some sort".

Fuel for what the Dr. could not speculate. She did explain that the goo was also really good on toast or crackers.

How diabolically clever to make fuel and food interchangeable. These aliens must be crafty beings, yes indeed.

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This is the third report of an on going investigation into the strange events going on at the Sirius/XM satellite operation.

Report 1 - Mind Controlling Extraterrestrial Pods Discovered in Fred Norris's Audio Board

Report 2 - Howard Stern's Phychiatrist Caught With His Fingers in the Cookie Jar

Is Fred actually an alien with sinister, ulterior motives? Is the Stern Show staff in danger? Why would aliens be interested in the show? Is this the beginning of an invasion of the body snatchers?

The only person to know all the fact is one Fred Norris but he isn't saying a word. In fact he doesn't even think the examination is real.


From Sunset and Vine
Buck E Filbert


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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