Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 3 February 2011

image for The Real Reason Justin Bieber Will Not Be Allowed To Compete On This Season's 'Dancing With The Stars'
Justin Bieber shown playing in his mom's clothes dryer at the age of 8, will not be appearing on Dancing With The Stars.

HOLLYWOOD - The overhead lights, the stage lights, the floor lights, and the strobe lights have all been taken out of storage as the producers of Dancing With The Stars prepare for another season of the reality show.

And the big question is why in the world did the American Idol powers that be reject the request of the most popular young male singer in America, Justin Bieber, to appear as a contestant on the reality dancing show.

Bernadette Penderlicki, the shows executive producer, said that she really and truly hated to turn down young Mr. Bieber, but she quickly noted that if Justin had been allowed on the show she would have had to hire at least ten extra security guards to keep the throng of teenage girls at bay.

She stated that sad to say the money was just not in the shows budget to handle that expense. She pointed out that last year when Bristol "The Pistol" Palin appeared that hardly anyone had even heard of her and Bristy certainly did not have a fan base to speak of.

Penderlicki said that last years DWTS edition broke all previous viewership records and she can just imagine what the ratings would have been had they hired Justin Bieber to be one of the star dancers.

The AI executive producer, who has been in the business for over 30 years explained that a lot of last year's high viewership was due to Bristol "The Pistol" Palin who managed to bring in millions and millions of votes and ended up finishing in third place.

TV ClickerWorld's Acktung Zumwalt asked Ms. Penderlicki if the fact that probably 90% of Bristol's votes actually came from members of her mother, Sarah Palin's Tea Bag Party members didn't unfairly tilt the final DWTS results a bit.

She paused for a moment and then said that she had no idea where TV ClickerWorld had come up with the 90% figure because according to official DWTS records, Sarah Palin's Tea Bag Party members only made up a mere 3% of all of the votes that Bristol received.

When asked by TVCW where young Palin got her other votes Penderlicki at first was hesitant to say, but she later acquiesced and stated that 27% of Bristol's votes came from unwed mothers just like her.

Another 26% came from overweight teenagers just like her (Bristol has since turned 20), 21% came from friends and relatives of her partner Mark Ballas, 19% came from prison inmates, and 4% came from average, everyday viewers.

Penderlicki became highly offended as she stated that in Bristol Palin's defense she really went from a young, inexperienced dancer who virtually had two left feet to blossom into one of the finest dancers to ever grace the DWTS stage.

Zumwalt started laughing uncontrollably. He stared at Penderlicki and said, "Ms. Penderlicki who the hell do you think you're kidding. You and I, the three DWTS judges, the two co-hosts, the cameramen, and even the dude who designs and sews the dance outfits all know that Bristol is one of the worst dancers to ever appear on the show - for goodness sakes she was even worse than "Graceless" Kate Gosselin, Macy "No Soul" Gray, and Kenny "The Flat-Footed Freak" Mayne.

Perhaps the only dancer who was worse than Bristol "The Pistol" was Master P, aka Percy Miller who has the distinction of receiving the shows lowest all-time ever score of a minus 2 (2,1,-5)."

Penderlicki looked at her watch and told Mr. Zumwalt that she was sorry but that she had to leave because she had an appointment to get her wissy pissy bikini waxed.

In a related Dancing With The Stars story. The shows host Tom Bergeron wants to dispel the rumor that Bruno Tonioli has a 3 foot by 5 foot poster of Donny Osmond in his dressing room. The poster is actually of Lance Bass.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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