Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 4 February 2011

image for Dolly Parton Finally Admits That She Did Indeed Have Breast Reduction Surgery But Only On One Breast
Dolly Parton at the Grand Old Opry with West Virginia and East Virginia.

GREEN BAY, Wisconsin - Country music twin icon Dolly Parton performed before a sell-out crowd in Green Bay, who bravely braved the minus 17 degree weather to attend the concert at The Box of Snowballs Auditorium .

Parton who one could clearly see was a little cold as evidenced by the rather unusual configuration of her blouse told the crowd that she was glad that they did not let a measly old 26 inches of snow and winds of up to 37 miles per hour keep them from coming to see her and her infamous 'Girls.'

After the concert Dolly sat down and chatted with Grilletta Brewburger, a reporter for the country music publication Yippee-Ki-Yay.

Brewburger asked her how, at the age of 65, she still manages to perform like she did when she was 25. Dolly winked, looked down at her tremendously ample chest and replied, "Well hon, to tell ya da truth - I owe it all to my beautiful twins, which I call West Virginia and East Virginia."

Parton told Grilletta that in the beginning there were times when she would look out from the stage and see as little as 7 or 9 people in the audience. She used to worry about the fact that instead of getting paid $7 for the evening that she might only end up getting $2 or $3.

But as she sat backstage she would look down at her chest and tell herself that her and the 'twins' were going to make it someday.

She said that she used to just sit and pet them sometimes, adding that no she did not drink. She would tell them bedtime stories about how one day she would become more famous than country female singers like Wanda Skilletbumble, Noreen Noodlewater, and even Gladiola Gadzooks.

Dolly had always loved to sing, from the time she was only three weeks old. Her mama Avie Lee said that Baby Dolly would sing the "Kitty Cat Song" which only had three words, where, is, kitty, and cat.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Avie Lee was a wonderful woman, a devoted wife, and a dedicated mother, but she never was too good at arithmetic.]

Dolly Rebecca Parton, the little 5 foot tall bundle of dynamite was born in the Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee where she lived way out in the backwoods in a run-down, dirt-floored, one-room cabin with her parents and eleven brothers and sisters, three milk cows, seven egg-laying chickens, and an old bloodhound.

Parton giggled and said that the kids had named the old bloodhound "Doc Wendell" in honor of the country doctor that delivered all the Parton kids, except for the eldest Willadeene, who helped deliver herself.

Brewburger asked Dolly about the rumor that she'd had her breasts surgically reduced in size. Dolly blushed and said that the rumor was only half right.

She said that she had actually only had one of her knockers reduced in size during breast reduction surgery which was done on Columbus Day of last year.

Dolly said that her long time friend Judy first noticed back in September that West Virginia was a little bit bigger than East Virginia.

Right away Dolly jumped in and remarked, "And Grilletta before you ask me, no I am not a lesbianite. And if you don't believe me you can ask my husband, or Burt Reynolds, Kenny Rogers, Morgan Tenderhorn, Booker Fussfickle, Virgil Fernandez, or Sherwood Dweebowitz."

Dolly Parton has just started a fast food chicken restaurant chain appropriately named Little Ol' Dolly Parton's Tennesse Chicken Fried Knockers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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