Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 5 February 2011

image for Kate Gosselin Suing Sarah Palin Claiming Her Recent Alaskan Camping Trip Left Her Extremely Traumatized
Kate Gosselin says she still has nightmares about Piper Palin accidentally hitting her with a salmon.

READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin star of Kate Plus 8, and formerly of Jon and Kate Plus 8 has confided to Tittle Tattle Tonight that because of her horrible Alaskan camping trip experience she finds that she has become extremely traumatized.

Gosselin told Skippy Viperwater, of 3T, that she has never in her life ever experienced anything as horribly horrendous, disgustingly dreadful, wretchedly repulsive, or hideously deplorable as that week she spent up in frozen Alaska with Sarah "Buffalo Pill" Palin and her three comely backwoods daughters.

When Skippy asked if she meant to say "Buffalo Bill" Kate angrily responded by saying, "No Skippy, I meant 'Pill' with a damn effen P."

Gosselin went on to say that the white wilderness woman does not smell anywhere near as pretty as she does because of all of the big game hunting, shooting, stalking, skinning, and sauteing that she does.

"Graceless" Kate, as her Dancing With The Stars dance partner Tony Dovolani nicknamed her disclosed that "Old Crosshairs" goes around wearing male hunting clothes, grabbing at her crotch, and acting like a cross between Paul friggin Bunyan and Daniel freakin Boone."

Gosselin added that when she went to use the bathroom in Casa Moscow, the Palin's Wasilla home, she noticed that there was a son-of-a-bitch woodchuck drinking out of the toilet.

Kate told Viperwater that she tried to shoo it away but the woodchuck just snarled at her, raised one of its hind legs, and peed right there on the effen batroom floor.

When Kate yelled out for Sarah, she quickly showed up and saw what the woodchuck had done. Palin informed Gosselin that the reason that the woodchuck had peed on the floor was because she had scared it.

Gosselin replied that she was so sorry for having offended the damn little varmint which should not have even been in the house in the first place.

Palin told her that she was in Alaska and in Alaska, the people have become accustomed to having animals (little ones) come into one's house and drink water from the toilets on occasion, like when it's winter time and the lakes and ponds are all frozen over.

Gosselin looked at "Snowflake" Palin and told her that she was one sick puppy. Palin fired back that Gosselin was one sick, spoiled, fake blonde sissy bitch who needed to have her tits bitten by a badger so that she could appreciate nature and what it really and truly stands for.

Reports out of Pennsylvania state that Kate Gosselin is suing Sarah Palin on grounds of 'Nolo Quid Pro Ad Hoc Per Diem Traumatization' for $1.9 million but she is willing to settle out of court for $1.7 million.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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