WASILLA, Alaska - Lately Sarah Louise Palin has been keeping a low-profile and staying pretty close to her 'Iceberg State' home Casa Moscow.
The ex-governor of Alaska and 2008 GOP vice-presidential candidate told her longtime friend and confidante Andrew Plonkerwood, who is the lead singer with the local party band Accordion Andy & His Oompah Band, that she is getting tired of the fact that every time she opens her mouth she seems to put her big Alaskan hunting boot in it.
Plonkerwood, who dated Sarah, when both were in the third grade said that it is not her fault that the media is always picking on her just because they are jealous of the fact that she owns seven snowmobiles; she hunts, shoots, and cooks her own food; she can see Russia from her bedroom window; and she has a daughter, Bristol "The Pistol" who was voted the third best dancer in the entire United States.
Palin smiled and replied, "Ya know Andy, you're right. Gosh darnit, you are abso-friggin-lutely right."
Piper's mom went on and said, "And Andy, good golly gee, I cannot waste anymore of my precious time worrying about people calling me "Crosshairs" Sarah, or "Snowflake" Sarah, or "Snow Plow" Palin, or "Loose Moose," or even the "Ice Princess."
Andy, being the very close friend that he is added, "And so what if your left tit hangs down a little bit more than your right one does who the heck cares anyway?"
Sarah quickly interrupted, "Andy, am I hearing right? Did you just say that my left tit hangs down more than my right tit does?"
"Just a little Sarah, but that is fairly common in women who live in frigid weather like you do, you know that."
Palin shook her head and commented, "But Andy, we're sitting in my living room. The temperature is a perfect 72 degrees. I am not the least bit cold."
Andy blushed, "Ah, Sarah. Let me be honest. It is really no big deal. And besides it's not like some reporter is going to be following you around with a measuring tape now is it?"
"Yeah. I guess you're right. And besides who gives an effen hell anyway, just as long as my Toddy is happy with my titties that is really all that I need to concern myself with."
"Good for you Lippy. Good for you."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: 'Lippy' was Sarah's nickname back when she was in school. In fact I have seen a copy of her Nanook of The Frozen North High School Yearbook and underneath her senior picture it stated: Lippy hopes to one day become the best big game hunter in Alaska. She also hopes to get into politics. She plans on hopefully getting married before the age of 40, and having a bunch of baby boys. She would also like to one day have her own Alaskan wilderness nature television show.]
Palin was recently approached by the producers of Dancing With The Stars to appear as a contestant for the upcoming season.
Sarah immediately agreed. "You betcha!" she screamed out. She reportedly told her personal assistant Gail Huckabee, no relation to Mike Huckabee, that she plans to use the show to give her tremendous exposure and help launch her 2012 presidential campaign.
Palin told Gail that if her daughter Bristol "The Pistol" received the millions and millions of votes that she did can you imagine how many more millions of votes, she, the 'Grizzly Mama' can get.
Sarah grinned and said that she hopes to be paired with professional dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy since he is after all...Russian.