Charlie Sheen's ex-wife Denise Richards, who became famous as a model even though she looks like she's been freebasing Joker venom, has decided to enroll their two children in a boarding school on the planet Jupiter, just to keep them from Sheen and his sycophants.
Charlie Sheen's Real Name...
... is Carlos Irwin Estevez. I kinda understand why his father Martin --real name Ramón Gerardo Antonio Estévez--, a Spaniard, had to change his name. But are we still going to see entertainers not working because they have Spanish names? Look at brother Emilio Estevez' career... Oh... Oh, I get it now.
"They are safer being jettisoned into space than spending a weekend at their dad's," said Richards, who was inexplicably cast as nuclear physicist Dr. Christmas Jones in the James Bond movie 'The World Is Not Enough, despite not being able to spell 'physicist'. Or 'nuclear'. Or 'Dr.' "And now he wants a porn star to babysit? What's next? Etiquette lessons from Snooki?"
(Recent reports have indicated that Sheen may have asked meathole-for-hire Kacey Jordan -- The star of "Her First Lesbian Sex #15" and "No More Bush"-- to babysit his children.)
Sheen was hospitalized last weekend for a hernia, which doctors say that they were able to repair.
"It was a very simple procedure, and he didn't even need any anesthesia," said Sheen's physician. "And I explained to him, 'When you lift a giant suitcase of coke, lift with your legs. Allegedly.' "
Sheen's manager has stated that the actor entered Rehab as soon as he left the hospital. Rehab, a 19-year-old stripper from Ft. Lauderdale, FL, would not comment.