Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 31 January 2011

image for George Clooney Angrily Tells Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie - "Your Pack of Brats Are No Longer Welcome In My Home!"
George Clooney has banned Jolie and Pitt's 'United Nations of A Family' from his Italian Mansion.

BELLAGIO, Italy - As soon as George Clooney pulled into the driveway of his Italian mansion Villa Oleandra Oxen Free, located on beautiful Lake Perry Como he knew that something was amiss.

The Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie 'United Nations of a Family' had just left his home after spending a few days there as his guests.

Clooney knew that the couple recently had been having a tough time due to the fact that Jolie's movie with Johnny Depp The Tourist had flopped and the subsequent depressed state that Angelina had entered due to the fact that the number of cast members was actually higher than the number of movie goers who saw the film.

Angie of course blamed Johnny Depp's girlfriend, French model Vanessa Paradis, who has been rumored to be one of the most insecure women in Europe, for demanding that all of the nude and naked love scenes between her boyfriend Depp and Jolie be written out of the movie script.

Paradis meanwhile blamed Jolie saying that she is just not as good an actress as she thinks she is as evidenced by the fact that most of her scenes required an average of nine takes to complete.

Jolie dismissed Paradis' remark by saying that the reason she had a hard time with the lines was due to the fact that she was tired from having to stay up at all hours of the night breastfeeding the two-year-old twins Knox Kebab and Vivienne Sushi.

Angelina told a reporter for Italy's most famous tabloid The Daily Vino, "I'm sorry, but you stay up all night breastfeeding two hungry as heck babies who latch onto your knocker's nipples and do not let go for as long as 45 minutes at a time and see how chippy and chirpy you are the next day."

As George Clooney stepped out of his 2011 Ferrari, he noticed that the Pitt-Jolie kids had taken chalk and written all over the 100 yard long driveway.

Clooney said that the older kids had written things such as "I hate this place, it smells like grapes" "I hate pasta," "What exactly does the word arrivederci really effen mean anyway," and "2 plus 2 equals 7,391."

As Clooney entered the house he noticed that there were Legos scattered all over the entry way and that one of the girls, probably 5-year-old Sahara Desert had stuffed one of her Barbie Dolls into the 200-gallon aquarium.

Another of the little Pitt-Jolie brats had smeared, what looked like peanut butter all over one of his prized Giovanni Paolo Panini paintings, The Erotic Nymphs of The Secret Vineyards of Venice, which is valued at $1.9 million.

But the thing that Clooney was most upset about was the fact that the brats had taken his white pet Lhasa Apso puppy 'Fifitita' and painted it with red, blue, and orange paint.

Needless to say the Pitt-Jolie clan has been told to never again set foot anywhere near Clooney's Villa Oleandra Oxen Free.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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