Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 31 January 2011

image for Lindsay Lohan Has Purchased A Flock of Flamingos Which She Plans To Breed In Order To Stay Out of Trouble
Lindsay Lohan recently purchased a dozen flamingos from The San Diego Zoo.

BEVERLY HILLS - The word on the street of Beverly Hills is that Lindsay "Freckles" Lohan is truly serious about getting her act together.

The Hollywood 'bad girl' has vowed to never do anything dumb, stupid, or idiotic, that will land her back in rehab.

One of LiLo's best friends Paris "I'm Hot" Hilton said that she recently spoke to Lohan and she really and truly believes that the extremely multi freckled faced starlet is serious about wanting to stay out of the limelight, the spotlight, and the Bud Light.

The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette has reported that Lohan recently went down to the world famous San Diego Zoo and purchased a dozen flamingos, six male and six female.

Lohan plans to keep the pink birds in the backyard of her Hollywood Hills home where she plans to be involved in the process of breeding them and selling the babies to petting zoos throughout America except for Arizona, where it is so damn hot that the baby flamingos would literally catch fire and burn.

When the Flaming Gazette asked Lohan if she was really serious about breeding the pink birds she smiled and said "I am very serious because I know that everyone in the United States from Maine to Florida to Honduras to Idaho has called me a conceited, spoiled bratty bitch and that I have run out of damn effen chances."

Lohan knows that there is no one who is going to give her another chance no matter how many friggin fake tears she cries because her Hollywood ass has already received the quota.

Lindsay added that she is also going to be selling her brand new book dealing with her rehab stay at The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic.

The book is entitled, My Rehab Clinic Roommate Smokey Made Up The Damn Story About Me Being Pregnant With Enzo Rudolphowitz Baby.

Lohan said that the book can be purchased at most McDonald's, at Walgreens Drug Stores, and on the Internet by logging on to www.lindsayfreckleslohansbook.sex

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Smokey is Calexico native Avalanche Jo "Smokey" Wickerbocker who was at the rehab clinic to cure her nine cigarette pack a day habit. And Enzo Rudolphowitz is the custodian at The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic who became very close to Lohan due to the fact that both have thousands of freckles.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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