Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 31 January 2011

image for Kirstie Alley Says That In Order To Save On Her Food Bill She Will Soon Start Growing Her Own Food
This is a photo of the Green House which Kirstie Alley ordered on the Internet.

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kirstie Alley has reportedly told her maid that she has decided to start growing her own food.

Alley told Granola Bagley, her long time maid that it has just gotten too darn expensive to have to go the grocery every single day and buy as many as six bags of groceries.

Kirstie who has always preferred to do her own grocery shopping said that she has gone into the Internet and she has ordered a huge 100 foot by 200 foot green house where she will grow her own tomatoes, corn, lettuce, potatoes, green beans, carrots, ravioli, and cookies.

The hefty starlet, who tips the scales at 409 pounds, has purchased the definitive book on growing one's own food entitled, The Definitive Book On Growing One's Own Food.

Granola Bagley told The Tinsel Town Times Tribune that she has not seen her boss (Alley) this happy since last Thanksgiving when Wynonna Judd personally brought over four (4) king-sized Butterball turkeys.

Bagley said that Kirstie is also thinking about taking a trip down to San Antonio, Texas and purchasing a $70,000 Simmental breeding bull and three cows so that she can also start growing her own t-bones, sirloins, rib-eyes, filet mignons, and Porterhouses.

Ms. Bagley disclosed to 4T that Alley was up for the female lead in 'The Tourist' which went to Angelina Jolie, and also for the female lead in 'Knight and Day' which went to Cameron Diaz. She stated off the record that Alley lost both parts due to the fact that she was just a 'wee' bit overweight.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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