Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 1 February 2011

image for Hollywood's First and Only Gay Motorcycle Gang, 'The Hells Tinkerbelles' Is Forced To Disband Under California's New 'Don't Ask Cause We Can Already Tell' Rule
The Hells Tinkerbelles are being forced to disband. (Photo courtesy of Richard Simmons).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Southern California the land of earthquakes, mudslides, The Dodgers, Santa Ana Winds, wildfires, smog, the Lakers, wine, Miley Cyrus, and sprayed on tans has added another notch to its Gucci belt.

The Los(t) Angeles Watchdog Witnesser newspaper has broken a story about the state's first and only gay motorcycle gang, The Hells Tinkerbelles.

The Hells Tinkerbelle's, which is an all-male motorcycle group kind of like the Hells Angels except that they have much smaller girlish type motorcycles, no tattoos, no facial hair, no Toby Keith or Lynyrd Skynyrd CDs, and perfectly manicured fingernails are up in arms over a recent ruling by the state.

It seems that the California State Legislature has issued a mandate proclaiming that the organization known as The Hells Tinkerbelles will be immediately disbanded.

A spokesperson for the state, Jiffy P. Lustletter, affirmed that the state was taking the position of banning the group because of the fact that it had received dozens of complaints from church people saying that they did not want to see grown adult males wearing eye liner and eye shadow riding up and down city streets on little sissy-looking itty bitty motorcycles.

Lustletter noted that in order for the proclamation to be legally binding the state had to find a legal reason for making this ruling.

Attorneys for the state, Ormond Futtpickle, 84, and Lasagna Quickworth, 22, agreed that they have found such a ruling in what is known as The California Facto Fiscus Non-Fluctuating Folie-a-Plusieurs Foraging Forum Amendment of 2004.

Futtpickle pointed out that the amendment basically follows the same basic guidelines as the military's preeminent "Don't Ask - Don't Tell" rule.

He did stress that by incorporating that grass roots philosophy into the State Amendment of 2004, one arrives at the fundamental premise of the "Don't Ask Cause We Can Already Tell" Rule.

The story was written by LA2W reporter Columbus Tiffbottom who is not gay, but who had a high school art teacher who was gay, a next door neighbor who is a lesbianite, and a step uncle who lisps as bad as Barney Frank, but who most probably is not really gay.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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