WEST HOLLYWOOD - Elton John and his husband David Furnish visited America to show off the brand new addition to their family little Zachary Hickory Dickory John-Furnish.
The proud pop and pop first visited New York City where they were the guests of Donald "The Hair" Trump.
The Don told them both that he did not care that they were gay just as long as they did not try and put the moves on Donnie Jr., who is quite naive when it comes to things such as lesbianites, hermaphrodites, call girls, and sissies.
The British duo then visited Chicago where they took a tour of Wrigley Field, ate a ballpark hot dog, and got to get on the stadium's PA system and yell out, "Play Ball!"
After a quick stopover in Waterloo, Iowa where they saw where corncobs come from they flew out to the Left Coast on Southwest Airlines, where bags fly for free.
The first night they were the guests of Playboy mogul Hugh Hefner who threw them an English party complete with crumpets, fish and chips, English tea, and Petula Clark who sang her big hit "Downtown" for the 18,942nd time.
Hefner knowing that Elton and David are the biggest sidesaddle riders on both sides of the "pond" (Atlantic Ocean) instructed all of the Playboy Playmates to keep away from them so as not to anger them because both 'lads' (guys) do have one hell of a temper.
The next day Elton, David, and Baby Z visited The Hollywood Museum of Motion Pictures. Elton immediately fell in love with the long flowing southern Civil War gown that Vivian Leigh had worn in the 1939 War Between the States epic Gone With The Wind.
He also was thrilled at seeing the erotic space outfit that Jane Fonda had worn in the 1968 science fiction film Barbarella.
But the thing that really caught Sir Elton's eye was the pair of shiny red slippers that Judy Garland had worn as Dorothy in the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz.
Immediately John told the museum curator, identified as Alistair Krylatov, that he wanted to buy them. The curator informed Mr. John that nothing in the museum was for sale.
Elton John insisted. And again Mr. Krylatov told him that there was no way that the shoes would leave his museum.
David Furnish then commented that Elton wanted the red slippers for the little girl that they hope to have in the near future.
The curator rolled his eyes and said that he was through talking.
Elton John suddenly decided to make a phone call. He called President Barack Obama, spoke to him, and hung up after about two minutes.
About ten minutes later, Elton John's phone rang. He answered it "Hiya doin' Sal?...one second please sir."
He handed the phone to Mr. Krylatov. He listened intently for about 50 seconds. His face turned as red as a Tulsa tomato.
"Yes sir Mr. Goombalini sir, I will certainly sell the red slippers to Mr. John. No problem and thank you for your call. Have a good day sir.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Salvatore Goombalini, boss of Brooklyn's Goombalini crime syndicate has a special way of always getting someone to see things EXACTLY his way.]