Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 29 January 2011

image for President Obama Faces Charges of An Alleged White House Christmas Party Fund Cover Up AKA Hip Hop Gate
A photo of Desert Carl & The Rag Headz taken at La Chupacabra Convention Center in El Paso.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The highly respected Washington newspaper The D.C. Dispatch Diplomat has broken the story about an alleged irregularity regarding The White House Christmas Party Fund.

DC2D reporter Granola Dallydoo, 29, has been investigating the White House Christmas Party which was attended by a little over 400 honored guests including England's Queen Elizabeth, France's first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, the Disney Channel's Selena Gomez, retired ex-Green Bay Packers - ex-New York Jets - ex-Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre, and this year's third place finisher on Dancing With The Stars Bristol "The Pistol" Palin.

The gala was mc'd by the one and only Kathy "The Vulgar Cougar" Griffin, who last year dated the much younger Levi Johnston, father of the unwed mother Bristol Palin's baby Tripp Tic Tac Johnston.

The event featured a star studded array of performers including Celine Dion, Justin Bieber, Ke$ha, and The Fa Shizzle Ma Nizzle Chumpz.

The featured performers of the evening was the hip hop rap band Camel Carl & The Desert Rag Headz. The band is noted as being the only hip hop rap band from Saudi Arabia.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The GOP publication GOPicky Magazine has a story in its January issue asking how in the world the president could justify having a Saudi Arabian band perform at a White House Christmas Party. The president replied that he booked them because they just happen to be his daughters Sasha and Malia's favorite band.]

GOPicky reporter Amos Soursuckle pointed out that the band had also performed at The White House Mothers Day Party back in May of 2010.

Soursuckle asked in his column how on Earth the Saudi Arabian band had even been allowed into the United States. When he put the question to White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax he was met with a stern "No comment."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I was extremely curious myself so I called up my good old retired friend Larry King and I asked him. Larry told me that he had taken his two sons fishing off the Massachusetts coast and that the three had caught a total of 17 guppies weighing an average of half an ounce each. I reminded him about the Saudi Arabian band. Larry said that the band is in fact here legally under The American-Saudi Arabian Band Exchange Program of 1997. He added that we got Camel Carl & The Desert Rag Headz and Saudi Arabia got The David Hasselhoff Trio.]

Soursuckle divulged that he has a document in a safety deposit box at The First National Bank of The Baltimore Orioles that shows some very interesting White House information.

He stated that the White House paid for all of the performers from The White House Christmas Party Fund. The Soursuckle document, now known officially as The Soursuckle Document shows that Celine Dion was paid $8,000, Justin Bieber was paid $7,000, Ke$ha was paid $5,000, and The Fa Shizzle Ma Nizzle Chumpz were paid $200.

The Soursuckle Document also showed that Camel Carl & The Desert Rag Headz had been signed to play for $800,000 or about 39 times what the other performers received combined.

Soursuckle also noted that the Saudi Arabian band was paid an extra $120,000. When asked about this extra amount White House Spokesperson Colfax remarked that the Obama family had liked them so much that they gave the band a 15% tip which came out to $120,000 for a total of $920,000.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I emailed Amos (Soursuckle) about this and he told me that the problem was not that Camel Carl & The Desert Rag Headz had gotten almost 40 times more than the other performers combined. He pointed out that the problem was that the White House Christmas Party Fund only had an amount of $30,000 to begin with.]

So Soursuckle' contention is that if all five acts were paid a combined total of $940,200 and the White House Christmas Party Fund only had $30,000 then where the hell did the other $910,200 come from. He said that he is preparing an expose that he will be calling The White House Christmas Party Fund Cover Up alias Hip Hop Gate.

SIDENOTE: Michelle Obama called up Oprah Winfrey once her husband (the president) found out about Amos Soursuckle's claim. Winfrey immediately wrote out a check addressed to 'Cash' for $910,200. She mailed it to the president with a note attached to it. An inside, unnamed, highly reliable source revealed that the note read: Hi Barry, just cash dis here check and put da money where evah da heck ju got it from. Say howdy to da 'first mama' and kiss the two little 'first kiddoes' fu me, ya hear?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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