Beverly Hills- After years of agonizing anticipation, music lovers around the world finally have received an apology from Lionel Richie for the recording and release of the 1983 song Penny Lover.
When news of the mea culpa broke, fans slowly gathered outside of the HMV Records Store in Midtown Manhattan.
"I don't know what to say," stammered a former Commodore's and Richie fan who upon hearing Penny Lover 3600 times on a top ten music station during the summer of 1983 was rendered catatonic. "It's taken me years to recover from the trauma. I just don't know if I can forgive him."
"Yeah," said another haunted and equally unstable former fan who would only identify himself as Dwight Eisenhower. "And do you remember the lyrics?" Eisenhower almost whispered, his face contorted in obvious horror. "Ooh pretty baby. I just wanted to reach out and touch you baby. I just want to reach out and hold ya, I want to reach out and say Ooh, Ooh. Even now, after all these years, it still gives me the runs."
Other fans were more forgiving. "Look, it's a little late in coming," said one bystander. "But have either the Captain or Tennille apologized for Muskrat Love? Shouldn't Dan Hill say sorry for Sometimes When We Touch? Does anyone at all take responsibility for You Light up My Life? No."
"Right on," said yet another understanding fan. "I mean, have you ever seen the size of Lionel's head? Its enormous! The man must have dozens of stupid songs in there."