Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 28 January 2011

image for Kate Gosselin Devastated As Her Bodyguard Quits
A photo of Kate Gosselin that was taken during her appearance on 'Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska.'

READING, Pennsylvania - The woman who proved to America that one does not have to really know how to dance in order to advance on the reality dancing show Dancing With The Stars is reportedly quite devastated

Kate "Graceless" Gosselin, the woman with two left feet and an ego the size of Delaware confided to TV Clickerworld's Acktung Zumwalt that she is seriously thinking about quitting her cable reality show Kate Plus 8, her radio show King Kate Talks At Cha, and her neighborhood newsletter column 'The Brilliant Pen of Kate Gosselin, which appears weekly in News and Views From Our Ritzy Subdivision.'

Mrs. Gosselin who is 35, but says she is starting to feel like she is 65, disclosed to TVC that she is beginning to feel like the female version of The Lone Ranger, but without the mask, the horse, and trusty Indian sidekick Tonto.

And the reason why Jon Gosselin's ex-wife is feeling this way is because her long time bodyguard Steve "The Gray Fox" Nield has told her that he can no longer continue in the capacity of being her bodyguard.

When Gosselin asked Nield why he was quitting he merely told her that he was just tired of always having to defend her and to tell the news media that the reason for Mrs. Gosselin's mean spirited attitude towards them was due to her unruly kids, or her migraine headaches, or her period, or her horrible to manage hairdo.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I heard from a highly reliable source, Nield's cousin Chickpea Lulu Stickclover, that the real reason why Nield is quitting is because of the fact that he is extremely embarrassed at having been caught at LAX Airport in Los Angeles in the possession of 37 nude photographs of Kate Gosselin.]

TV Clickerworld's Acktung Zumwalt asked Kate if she would like for him to try and talk to Mr. Nield, whom he knows personally.

He told her that he would ask him to give her another chance. Kate jumped up, hugged him, and said that she would truly appreciate that, especially since Nield is not responding to her emails, texts, phone calls, or singing telegrams.

TV Clickerword will follow up on the story and see if Zumwalt has any success trying to get Steve Nield to return as Kate Gosselin's bodyguard.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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