Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 27 January 2011

image for Heidi Montag and Charlie Sheen Reportedly Seen Sucking Face At The La Brea Tar Pits
Charlie Sheen in a scene from Luigi Luigiani's classic film epic "_____".

LA BREA - The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette is reporting that an extremely reliable source who did not mind if his name was mentioned or not alleges that he saw noted celebrities Heidi Montag and Charlie Sheen at The La Brea Tar Pits located in La Brea carrying on like a couple of hormone-crazed teens.

Woodrow "Woody" Okonomiyaki, 47, an exchange student from Osaka, Japan said that he was sitting on a bench with his best friend Timmy LaPretzel, 21, when they looked over to the next bench and saw a couple really going to town, as they say in Kiowa, Kansas.

Woody told Timmy that he believed that the woman was that famous lady who has had 37 plastic surgeries done.

"Joan Rivers?" Timmy asked.

"No."

"Cher?"

"No. Those bitches are old bitches, this is a much younger bitch."

"Madonna?"

"No dude! I said a younger bitch, a younger bitch, now what part of younger do you not understand?"

Timmy looked down. Woody could tell that his friend was quite hurt by the remark.

"Oh! I know...Heidi Montag" Timmy suddenly blurted out.

"Bingo Fashingo." Woody yelled out.

Woody then told Timmy that the guy looked like it could be that guy from the TV sit-com Two And A Half Men.

"Jon Cryer?" Timmy asked.

Woody told him that he was not playing the name game again and told him that he thought that it was Charlie Sheen.

Just then the couple who had been locking lips for about ten minutes came up for a breath of air.

Woody and Timmy realized that it was in fact Heidi "The Plastic Woman" Montag and Charlie "Hic-Hic" Sheen.

The couple saw that Woody and Timmy were staring at them and quickly left, leaving behind half an eaten Big Mac and an empty bottle of Chivas Regal.

In other news. Sharon Osbourne says that the reports of her husband Ozzy Osbourne having been bit by a giraffe are utter nonsense. She did say that Ozzy was almost bitten by a rhino but she did manage to ward the rhino off at the last second by using a handy Louisville slugger baseball bat.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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