Written by Mark Garrison

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Tuesday, 25 January 2011

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Chicago, IL - Oprah Winfrey announced to the world that she is Barack Obama's birth father.

Winfrey had been running advertisements referencing a huge family secret that she says, shook her to her core, and today she revealed that she is the biological father of The President of The United States.

Winfrey explained that her omni-sexuality and omni-presence allowed her to both conceive and give birth to Obama during an "Aha moment" in 1961.

After she made the announcement to her live studio audience, several audience member's heads literally exploded and fifteen women gave birth. Oprah and the studio audience also cried so much during the taping that they all needed immediate medical attention for tear induced dehydration.

Winfrey showed the audience Obama's Hawaii birth certificate which listed her as both the mother and father of President Obama. After showing them the certificate, it spontaneously combusted and fifty brand new cars formed out of the ashes.

When asked how she gave birth to a half white baby boy, Oprah explained that she is also omni-racial and able to give birth to any race she chooses to. She proved this to the audience by immediately self inseminating, conceiving, and giving birth to Tiger Woods, Halle Berry, Vin Diesel, and Lisa Bonet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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