Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 25 January 2011

image for The Kim Kardashian Tit Bite Cover Up
Kim Kardashian shown shortly after the tit bite incident. (Photo courtesy of Sawyer Eastmoreland).

ST. BARTS, West Indies - St. Barts' Purple Jellyfish Hotel recently welcomed Kim Kardashian of the TV reality show Growing Up Kardashian.

Kim who has recently been involved with NFL football players Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints and Miles Austin of the Dallas Cowboys told the hotel manager Sawyer Eastmoreland that she had to get away from the hustle and bustle of the Hollywood limelight.

Kardashian said that between Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton going in and out of jail, rehab clinics, and tattoo parlors the Left Coast has gotten crazy.

She then said that the recent incident at a West Hollywood Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos, in which one of the employees fondled her ass as she came out of the womens bathroom was the last straw.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: According to 'The Tinsel Town Times Tribune,' Kim had gotten up from her table and had gone to the bathroom to take a pee. As she was exiting the bathroom a restaurant employee identified only as Quang reportedly touched her humongous ass accidentally. And like Quang told his boss, with an ass as gigantic as the one Kim has it would be almost impossible for someone not to accidentally touch it unless you're standing out on a football field or something.]

Eastmoreland told Kardashian that she could go on out to the beach and that he would have an employee take out a complimentary dinner and bottle of the hotel's best wine compliments of The Purple Jellyfish.

Kim was so thrilled she jumped up, forgetting that she had her little pet Pomeranian puppy "Booty Boy" on her lap and poor little "Booty Boy" flew clear across the room bouncing off the big screen TV, then knocking over an expensive imported Iranian lamp, before landing on a coffee table centerpiece that looked like it could be part of the Titanic wreckage.

"Booty Boy" got knocked out. Kim panicked and asked Eastmoreland if he knew CPR. He said that he did but not for a dog. Kim begged him to do something. Eastmoreland picked up the phone and told the desk clerk to send over a busboy immediately.

Billy Bobby Sintonbaum arrived within 35 seconds. Eastmoreland asked him if he knew CPR. He smiled and said that he did and he started walking over towards Kim.

"No, not for her. It's for her little puppy that's over there laying on the coffee table."

"But boss." Billy Bobby said.

"That's a dog."

Eastmoreland walked over to Billy Bobby and whispered softly in his ear, "Give the freakin dog CPR and I'll promote you to chief busboy and give you a dollar an hour raise."

Billy Bobby yelled out, "You got it boss, stand back while I take care of that gorgeous looking little son-of-a-bitch, I mean puppy.

After about 12 seconds "Booty Boy" started whimpering. And then after a minute he started barking and as Kim bent down to pick him up "Booty Boy" bit her on her left tit.

Kim screamed out. "Ouch! Dammit that hurts."

Billy Bobby grinned and said "Miss Kardashian I know CPR may I do the honors?"

Eastmoreland yelled at him to go to the supply room and bring back some band-aids, some rubbing alcohol, some Neosporin, and two beers.

Billy Bobby asked him how the beers were gonna help her bite. Eastmoreland told him that the beers were for him and Kim and to get his ass outta the room or he would demote him from chief busboy back down to busboy.

As soon as he left Kim asked him to please not let the fact that her little pet Pomeranian had bit her on the tit get out. She said that if the tabloids got a hold of it she would be the laughing stock of the entire nation.

Eastmoreland grinned and told her that he would develop a case of amnesia if she would give him a little kiss.

Kardashian stood up walked over to where Eastmoreland was sitting bent down, held her nose, and kissed him. After Eastmoreland left she ran into the bathroom and washed her mouth out with soap.

In other news. Naomi Campbell who is known as "The Queen of Mean" has stated that the rumor going around Brooklyn that she is related to Adolf Hitler is positively false. She further added that one, she's black and two, she has never had a little bitty co*ksucker moustache like the one Hitler had.

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