Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 24 January 2011

image for Canadian Man With Life-Like Looking Silicone Doll Arrested For Assault and Battery
Bianca, David Hockey's life-like looking silicone doll relaxing on the beach at Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - David Hockey a 57-year-old Canadian man recently vacationed down in sunny Mexico with one of his seven life-like looking silicone dolls named Bianca.

Hockey, who says that his wife, who is a real biological woman, said that she is not the least bit jealous.

David confessed that at first his wife did think it was kinda of effed up since David would actually talk to the dolls and carry on conversations with them about everything from politics and sports to music and of course silicone.

Hockey's wife, who begged the reporter with Tittle Tattle Tonight to please not reveal her name said that she did have David committed three years ago when he first brought home his first (of seven) silicone dolls a Spanish cutey named Carlota.

She said that the rehab clinic called within 24 hours and told her to come and pick up her husband and Carlota because David had gotten into a fight with one of the other patients.

It seems that the patient had said that "Lottie" was nothing but a 'fake' who was extremely conceited, arrogant, and self-centered.

Mrs. Hockey admitted that at first it was kinda weird having to share the bathroom with seven other 'women' but she finally convinced David to add on an extra bathroom for the 'dolls' to share and that took care of the problem.

Mrs. Hockey says that although she has finally come to terms with the seven 'females' and has grown to accept them she does draw the line at having to wait on them.

She told David that if he wants to he can cook for them and serve them their meals because she'll be damned if she is going to do it especially since none of the seven bitches has ever uttered so much as a 'thank you.'

When Tittle Tattle Tonight asked Mrs. Hockey the obvious question about the sleeping arrangements she blushed. She rolled her eyes and replied, "That is another area where I really had to put my foot down. I told David from the very beginning not to ever expect me to participate in a menage-a-trois or a menage-a-neuf (9) with him and his friggin plastic harem."

David loves to travel and he has taken his dolls all over the world. His favorite doll Bianca recently accompanied him to Osaka, Japan where they spent a fun-filled week touring a chopstick factory, visiting a plant where Diet Saki is made, and dancing till the wee hours of the night at Osaka's famous dance club Crub Rorripop (Club Lollipop).

After their trip to Japan the happy couple traveled to England where they visited the hospital where Ringo Star was born, the shop where Simon Cowell purchased his very first T-Shirt, and Buckingham Palace.

While at Buckingham Palace David asked one of the palace guides if there was anyway that he and Bianca could possibly meet Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip and have their pictures taken with her.

It was reported that two Buckingham Palace security guards immediately took David and Bianca into custody. They were then taken to Heathrow Airport where they were put on a plane and returned to Canada.

Mr. Hockey was informed by Scotland Yard that if he ever returned to England with Bianca that they would both be arrested on the spot and charged with first degree gall, ipso facto embarrassment, and habeas stupidity.

Now just yesterday Cabo San Lucas Police reported that David Hockey was arrested in his room at The Whole Enchilada Hotel and Spa when hotel guests complained of loud noises coming from his and Bianca's $275 a night hotel room.

When police forcibly entered the room they found Mr. Hockey in the process of beating Bianca with his fists. When asked what the hell he was doing, a visibly shaken Hockey said that they had been drinking Papaya Margaritas all afternoon and watching reruns of Gilligan's Island when he asked Bianca to get him some chips and queso (cheese) from the kitchenette.

Hockey said that Bianca just sat there like a bump on a log ignoring him. At that point he asked her again. And when she ignored him a second time he decided to show her who wears the pants in the relationship.

David Hockey is currently sitting in The Cabo San Lucas Jail where he is under a $100,000 bail. And as for Bianca she was taken to a local plastic factory where she is reportedly resting comfortably.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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