Written by Neil Levine
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Monday, 22 August 2005

Paris---Paris Hilton started the week by being caught by a paparazzi in the same knee length red geometric Diane von Furstenberg dress that America's Next Top Model finalist Brittany Brower wore. Clearly, this is a grossly unfashionable scenario for the chic Parisyenned-American.


Then she lost the Teen Choice Awards surfboard she won in Hollywood when she had to let out her new short bob for bikini wax house photos in Miami before she got caught in a big white Dior angel hat and Dior sunglasses. She needed a hideously different disguise to avoid persistent fans in Greece where she wore her mother's outfits and her mother wore a wig, scarf and hat to fool the local Hellenic tourists who apparently were following their every footstep in hopes of finding a room at the local Paris Hilton, where no one was able to locate Marianna Latsis Kourkoulos, the mega-wealthy mother of Paris Paris Latkes Latsis, her boyfriend. who apparently was wearing an even better disguise, since absolutely no one but no one recognized him or knew where to find him. Proving this was simple, since no one but no one was able to find a picture of him wherever he was or was not.


In the meantime, PETA, the aggressive animal fan club, attacked poor, little Paris for leaving obese little Tinkerbell, who had grown big and fat at three plus pounds, with her mother, in favor tinier Bambi, a flyweight Chihuahua. A spokes dog for the animal rights group said, "It's a pity Paris' heart doesn't match her pocketbook. Animals shouldn't be disposed of like last season's trendy handbag."


But the worst was yet to come when Nicole Richie, Paris' partner in media capers on screen and off, announced she got a jeans ad while Paris did not. On top of that, the producers of Nicole's movie, "Kids In America," decided not to open in tandem with Paris' movie "Pledge This" on November 4, but moved their opening up to October 21 in order to scoop the cream of their fans.


It has been reported that Paris and Nicole may or may not be talking depending on who is doing the interviewing.


"What a publicity hound," Paris snorted about her former best buddy. "Now the producers of ‘Simple Life' may start looking for someone funnier than me. I just hope Miss Piggy is booked because she is, oh, so annoying and not funny at all. And I don't like any of the current crop of teen queens. They're all too too and not not me me if you know know what I mean mean meany."


At the end of the long weary week, Paris reportedly retired to parts unknown but no one is sure where or when but it could be with some nice Pais Hilton in Paris.

For more fun with Paris and Nicole, click on my name above to read more about the Hilton Family hijinks or about G. W. Bush, Tom Cruise, Lindsay Lohan and other current objects of satire

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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