Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 23 January 2011

image for Never Before Seen Nude Photos of Marilyn Monroe Found In The Garage of Ellen DeGeneres' Hollywood Hills Home
Marilyn Monroe in a scene from her movie "Carpet Burns On Her Knees And Tits."

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Bedroom Pillow Talk and The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette working on the same tip have reported that members of the Hollywood Hills Police Department have found a suitcase containing over 200 never before seen nude photographs of 50s sex symbol Marilyn Monroe.

Desk Sergeant Gregorio Del Amigo with the HHPD said that they received two phone calls from a Mr. Metzenbaum Kassenbaum and a Mr. Butterfield Rosenhauser within 25 seconds of each other.

Two officers were dispatched to 19199 Nathan Lane Lane with a search warrant which they presented to Portia DeRossi-DeGeneres, wife of Ellen DeGeneres.

Mr. DeGeneres (Ellen) was not home as she was filming her talk show which Portia informed the officers included guests Kobe Bryant, Shakira, Ricky Gervais, and Brooklyn's Goombalini Crime Family Mafia Boss Salvatore "The Pizza Man" Goombalini.

Officers Tipster Fargofield and Amos Crackerhorn entered the house and searched it. They soon moved out back to the five car garage and after about 55 minutes they found the suitcase containing the more than 200 nude photos of Marilyn Monroe.

Portia heard the two officers oohing and ahhing and went to the garage to check on the officers. She found them leaning against one of her and Ellen's Rolls Royces grinning as they poured over the photos.

As soon as they saw her they stopped and put the pictures back in the suitcase. They told her that they were going to confiscate the photos and treat them as stolen property.

The officers left along with Metzenbaum Kassenbaum of Bedroom Pillow Talk and Butterfield Rosenhauser of The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette.

The four gentlemen then drove to a local McDonald's where they had lunch and spent an hour and a half looking at the nude photos of Marilyn Monroe which were reportedly all in mint condition.

In a related news story. The rumor which started in Wyoming that Rosie O'Donnell is no longer a lesbianite is false. O'Donnell stated that she still likes them lap donuts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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