Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 23 January 2011

image for PlayGuy Magazine To Showcase Melissa and Joan Rivers In a Valentine's Day Nude Layout
Melissa Rivers reading about Todd Palin's alleged affair.

CHICAGO - Right Coast Illustrated Revue magazine has just found out that the editor of the highly reputable mens magazine PlayGuy Josette Emma Friscatti, has signed Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa Rivers to appear in a seven page nude Valentine's Day layout.

Ms. Friscatti, who is known as Friskies commented that she has been after the Jewish mother and daughter to do another layout after their highly successful one back in September of 2009.

Friskies acknowledged that the '09 issue had sold a record breaking six and a half million copies including 900,000 in Israel alone.

Joan who is 77 commented that with all of the cosmetic surgery that she has had done to just about every part of her body, she now could easily pass for Scarlett Johansson in the dark.

Joan "The Moan" as Vice-President Joe Biden nicknamed her said that she does not want to brag but she has been told by several men, including Jon Gosselin that she has a much better looking body than Kate "The Bitch" Gosselin.

Rivers quipped that the reason that Kate's Korean husband, Jon "3 Inch" Gosselin left her was because Kate's clitoris is bigger than Jon's wiener. Joan laughed and said that when Jon and Kate made love she would wear the condom.

Melissa Rivers who recently turned 43, says that she wanted to do the photo spread to show her co-workers at the dress factory that she is more than just a semi-pretty face, a great Pictionary player, and a wonderful Argentine tango dancer.

Joan chimed in and told her not to forget that she also has a fabulously fantastic IQ of 196.5, which is twice as much as Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Sarah "Crosshairs" Palin.

Melissa then remembered and confessed, "Oh and I also sew my own bras, pantyhose, and raincoats as well."

Joan yelled out, "So tell me sweety, why then isn't my little bagel bakin' cutey married?"

Melly as David Letterman, Regis Philbin, and Derek Jeter call her replied because of that funny little hissing sound that her wissy pissy (furburger) makes whenever a man gets his diddly dipper (groin gizmo) within six inches of it.

Joan went pshaw! And said, "Melissa, hon, weren't you and I just talking about that very same exact thing last night at the dinner table and I told you to never mention the fact that your boom boom box makes those annoying noises."

"Sorry mommy, I guess I just must've forgotten."

World renown photographer Gaspacho Spumante will be taking the nude photos of Joan and Melissa. Spumante is noted for being the only photographer of nude women who photographs his models while he himself is also nude.

Spumante says that it helps to relax his subject(s) and it saves money on laundry bills. Gaspacho is also known for his unique patented style of incorporating animals, birds, and fish into his layout shoots.

He remarked that with the Rivers women he was going to be using a giraffe, a kangaroo, a pelican, and a boa constrictor. He stressed to both Joan and Melissa not to worry as all four are perfectly trained to obey his command.

After about three hours of shooting pictures and getting close to 2,000 photos Gaspacho Spumante finished. And as he was putting away his camera equipment, wires, tripod, and lights Joan happened to notice that Gaspi, as he loves to be called, had developed an erection.

Joan asked him in a puzzled voice, "Hey Gaspi, you're gay right?"

"Yes, as gay as Richard Simmons if not gayer."

Joan raised her eyebrows and asked "Okay, so tell me what da hell is up with da boner (erection) huh?"

Spumante started laughing so hard that he accidentally spit up all over his perfectly manicured fingernails "Well Joanie, the reason for the woody is because I have needed to pee for the last 25 minutes."

"Then run Gaspi. Run to the little boys room you silly silly gay boy."

In other news. Reports are filtering in from the African country of Zimbabwe that animal biologists have successfully mated a male zebra with a female python snake. No one is exactly sure what it is but they did point out that if it bites you, you can ride it to the nearest medical clinic.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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