Written by Bureau
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Sunday, 23 January 2011

image for Kristen Stewart: Robert Pattinson Needs the Brass to Keep Me!
"Robert needs to have the brass to keep me!"

Friends of Twilight star Kristen Stewart say that she has been more than a little miffed by the way she has been treated by her long-time boyfriend, Robert Pattinson.

"She told us that she feels like he takes it for granted that she will always be with him", said Alicia Bedford, an old school chum.

"That's right", added Lillian Fenton. "It's not like she no longer cares for Robert but she says that she sometimes thinks that they have been married for twenty years."

Apparently, if some other guy comes on to Kristen, instead of putting him in his place, Pattinson has just been brushing it aside with a laugh.

"I think Kristen would like for Rob to step between her and someone trying to hit on her. Instead, he gets her by the arm and walks her away, calling the guy some booze hound", added Bedfort.

Both ladies say that Taylor Lautner is trying to get Pattinson into his exercise program but hasn't succeeded.

"I don't think this is any big thing so don't take it that way. They're still together."

"Yeah, she doesn't want Mr. Macho. But she wants someone who acts like he gives a rat's ass."

Speaking of rat's ass, I had to leave the girls at this point and go do my Bernie Madoff interview. This is Tooter Day for The West Coast Post.

Make Bureau's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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