Written by jd Balderdash
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Sunday, 21 August 2005

image for Devil Kitty warns Bush - "Impending Doom unless you meet with Cindy"

Homeland Security officials have raised the terror threat color to the level beige after receiving an odd sort of tape purportedly showing a talking demonic "cat" predicting impending doom upon the president if he did not meet with his mistress, Cindy Sheehan.

"You will meet with mother Sheehan, you will comply with her orders or you and your family and your nation will perish in ruins" the cat on tape said. CNN reports that the tape is indeed authentic in that, it is in fact a tape but declined to comment further.

Cindy Sheehan, now in California says that she knows nothing about the tape but does say that she did once have a cat named Mr Whiska's who, unfortunately had to be euthanized for undisclosed reasons. Mother Sheehan, after viewing the tape said,

"We loved Mr Whiska's. However .. we .. we had to put him to sleep. He's gone now but .. we .. Oh my God!"

President Bush, now able to leave his Crawford ranch spoke to reporters saying,

"I've heard about the so called devil cat video. I've also seen Bin Laden videos. Our nation is a great nation and neither Bin Laden or a demonic cat will .."

CNN, broadcasting the president's speech live has no further details on the cause of the loss of signal during the broadcast but assure viewers that devil cats do not exist.

Al Jazeera, concerned that it did not receive the tape first broadcast it's latest senseless beheading of another American contractor, video courtesy of Ibrahim Salih Mohammed Al-Yacoub Junior and his crew.

"We will not rest until we find that cat" one Al Jazerra reporter said adding,

"The devil cat wants to destroy America. We at Al Jazerra do not wish to see America destroyed but, if that tragic event should happen .. we want to broadcast it first."

CNN says that Larry King tonight will broadcast additional footage of the talking kitty's warning to America. King, having interviewed Charles Manson live says he's a bit "concerned" about tonight's show. He told reporters today,

"The cat looks real, he looks .. perturbed, he looks .. (censored). I don't know if he's tied to Cindy Sheehan or not but for God's sake don't bring him on the show if you find him!"

Unfortunately for King, CNN says .. "they found him".

Larry King Live .. 10 PM Central, 11 PM everywhere else ..

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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