Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 21 January 2011

image for An Anchorage Pedicurist Is Alleged To Have Massaged Todd Palin's Alaskan Salmon
Todd Palin says that between him and his fishing guide Nanicka Zapalicka they have caught over 17,000 Alaskan Salmon.

WASILLA, Alaska - Reports coming out of the "Iceberg" state are still somewhat sketchy but it appears that a reliable, unnamed, unknown, and unpaid source has revealed that she has heard that Mr. Sarah Palin, aka Todd Palin may have received an illegal 'Alaskan Salmon' massage from a licensed pedicurist.

The reliable unnamed, unknown, and unpaid source is Imogene VanPickity according to the highly respected Los Angeles-based news program Bedroom Pillow Talk.

Metzebaum Kassenbaum said that he recently met with VanPickity and she informed him that she got her information from her cousin Fernanda Schwartzowitz, who got it from her next door neighbor Horatio "Puff Puff" Figgenheimer, who got it from his ex-lover's new lover Roosevelt "The Tripod" Segretti.

VanPickity revealed that the name of the pedicurist is Shirley "Silk Fingers" Trippavuckovich, but that she goes by the name Silky Tripp.

Tripp is a 36-year-old former Hooters Girl who lost her job on Christmas eve when the manager noticed that one of her cantaloupes (hooters) was starting to sag a little bit more than the other one.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: It is quite a coincidence that Silky's last name is Tripp which is the same exact name as Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston's baby boy Tripp Johnston.]

Bedroom Pillow Talk is also reporting that Todd Palin's fishing guide the stunningly beautiful Eskimo-American Nanicka Zapalicka, 28, who has been rumored to be very, very close to Todd has stated that she is shocked that Todd would bother to go to a cheap pedicurist to get a massage when he knows that she (N.Z.)is known throughout Alaska as giving the best massages south of the North Pole.

Sarah "Crosshairs" Palin was apparently campaigning in Des Moines, Iowa, at a Jack-in-The-Box parking lot and could not be reached for a comment.

Meanwhile Todd Palin has not been seen since he left for a three day ice fishing trip to Caribou Nads, Alaska with his fishing guide Nanicka Zapalicka (38-24-36).

Bedroom Pillow Talk who originally broke the story about Alaska's "First Dude" and the ravishingly gorgeous Nanicka Zapalicka will be providing further details as they become available.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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