Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 21 January 2011

image for Bristol "The Pistol" Palin Denies The Rumors That She Has The Name 'Mark Ballas' Tattooed On Her Left Butt Cheek
Bristol Palin's Maricopa, Arizona home can be seen on the right. (Thanks to Mark Ballas for providing the photo).

MARICOPA, Arizona - A very personal rumor filtering out of California has got Bristol "The Pistol" Palin so upset that she confided to her neighbor that she wishes she was back in Alaska so that she could go out in her backyard and shoot a damn moose, caribou, reindeer, or duck.

According to The Tinsel Town Times Tribune an inside, unnamed, and reliable source connected to the reality show Dancing With The Stars has stated that Bristol Palin has the name of her DWTS professional dance partner Mark Ballas tattooed on her left butt cheek.

Bristol "The Pistol" said that she is scared as hell of needles. She even used to hate to see her mom, Sarah "Crosshairs" Palin use a sewing needle when she used to sew her and her sister Willow's training bras.

"The Pistol" said that she is getting so fed up with all of the lies that the American media says about her such as that she was recently seen at a local McDonald's parking lot playing 'Tongue Hockey' with Adam Lambert.

Bristy, as her mom and Whoopi Goldberg call her, said that first of all she is allergic to sesame seed buns. Second she has been treating her lips for some kind of damn desert lip infection. And third Adam Lambert is as gay as Clay Aiken, Richard Simmons, and Boy George.

Young Palin stressed that there is no tattoo whatsoever on her left butt cheek.

T4's Fauna Goobergarden spoke to Mark Ballas who told her, "Fauny I want to state for the record that Bristol Palin does not have a tattoo on either one of her butt cheeks."

In other news. The rumor that Piers Morgan will be adding English subtitles to his show Piers Morgan Tonight are untrue. Morgan does admit to having a rather strong British accent which at times is hard to understand but he said that there is just no money in the shows budget to add screen subtitles.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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