James May is refusing to wash or have his hair cut for fear of disturbing a pair of rare green Vietnamese three toed beetles nesting therein. Presumably caught during his last visit to the country, for reasons he refuses to discuss.
The presenter (for want of a better word) reckons they should have shagged well and pupped by late August...hopefully.
Meanwhile Clarkson and his insectivorous sidekick have applied the three yard rule to May during the screening of Top Gear and will be wearing facemasks when he is on the set.
He will no longer be allowed to drive any of the new cars because the cost of fumigating and delousing has gone through the roof.
So he will be relegated to testing the latest electric bikes and health and safety rules are to be observed as disposable plastic covers will be fitted to the seats.
We wish him luck in this new venture and hope the ageing archetypal big girls blouse will be able to get his leg over the crossbar. Well not really.
Apparently the beetles live on headlice so May is not quite as daft as he looks to be.