Bromyard, Herefordshire - (Ass Biz): A play about the legendary sleuth's foragings in royal underwear has been banned to spare HM's blushes.
The opening night of The Furtive (sic) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and the Strange Case of the Queen's Knickers played to a packed house in Herefordshire.
But repeat performances have been banned because the alleged owners of the Sherlock Holmes 'trademark' say it rubbishes the Queen and her enormous arse.
"Zere is nussink remotely funny about ze royal bottom," a spokesperson for the Hitler-Windsor Estates Corp said today.
"Demeaning ze Queen's posterior in zees manor belittles zee Sherlock Holmes brand."
An appeal may be launched by the theatrical company following confirmation from Royal Archives that Queen Elizabeth's ginormnous 56-inch butt is within a few millimetres of Queen Victoria's.
The copyright on Conan Doyle literary works ran out in 2000.