Written by anthonyrosania
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Thursday, 20 January 2011

image for Paz de la Huerta wins La Borracha Award For Most Drunk Celebrity at the Golden Globes!

Paz de la Huerta, who plays constantly nude slutbag Lucy Danziger on HBO's "Boardwalk Empire: What We Replaced The Sopranos With" won the La Borracha* Award for most drunk celebrity at the Golden Globes!

Did you know...

That if you write a story by writing random paragraphs, and then compiling them without reading it all the way through, the results are very rough? Combine this with more than one glass of Franzia merlot --straight from the box-- and the results are downright embarrassing.

Paz was SO drunk that she was actually turned away from a Golden Globes after-party held at the Chateau Marmont, largely because no one wanted a horse-faced F-List celebrity pissing on the rug.

Paz could barely walk. She was virtually being held up by a male friend, who tried valiantly to hold her drunk ass up.

After falling down and ripping her Golden Globes gown, with a boob hanging out of one side, and a tear in the back, paparazzi swarmed the wasted actress, eager to get a wardrobe malfunction shot.

"Paz, did you think that Ricky Gervais' comments were offensive or funny?" asked one photographer.

"I know that I heard laughter from the audience," Paz replied. "Laughter is physiologically spasmodic, rhythmic, vocalized, expiratory, and involuntary, caused in the neural pathways of the tickle-laughter reflex arc. Thus, if laughter was heard, he must've been funny, by definition**."

Paz will next be seen doing Everclear and Absinthe shots at the after party of the Screen Actors Guild Awards, this February, where she'll be waitressing.


* Whoops, 'la borracha' is Spanish. Hope this story doesn't get rejected.

** Some news accounts report that Paz's actual answer was, "I dnnnn nnnn nnnttpfff. BLLLLLURRRRGHHH!!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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