Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 19 January 2011

image for Piers Morgan Announces That He Has "A List of Banned People" Who Will Never Appear On His New Show
Morgan has banned Madonna from his show due to her rudeness towards three Boston nuns.

NEW YORK CITY - Piers Morgan has not even completed his first week on his new show Piers Morgan Tonight and he has already announced that he has "A List of Banned People."

According to Tittle Tattle Tonight the London native talk show host who replaced Larry King informed the shows producer Galveston Sandwater that he has comprised a list of individuals who he has 'blackballed' from ever appearing on his show.

Morgan said that number one on his list was Madonna. He admitted that he has never liked her ever since 1998, when she told three Boston nuns who had gone to her concert and asked for her autograph after the show that she did not sign autographs for illegal music downloaders, GOPers, or penguins.

Morgan said that the nuns were extremely shocked. And as they turned to walk away one of them, Sister Sissy Gretchen, 87, turned around and told Madonna that she was going to damn her to go straight to hell and to take her fake tits, her cellulite-covered thighs, and her pitiful songs with her.

Morgan who is also a judge on America's Got Talent said that he has banned fellow AGT judge Howie Mandel because Mandel, who is probably one of the biggest germ freaks in America, once threatened to call the police and have him arrested after Morgan had accidentally sneezed on Howie's left elbow causing Mandel to cry like a little two-year-old.

Heather Mills, the ex-Mrs. Paul McCartney is banned because she had planned the marriage and subsequent divorce a full four years before she had even met McCartney.

Mills dreamed up the plan with the help of her gay hair stylist Sir Ludlow of Pimlico, her cook, Mildred Tarbuckham, and her lesbianite pedicurist Amanda Ovenhampton.

Mills was married to the Beatle for six years and walked away with £24.3 million [$39 million U.S.]. Morgan said that he really felt bad because he had introduced Sir Paul to the wicked bitch, he then corrected himself and said that he meant to say bloody witch.

Piers smiled like the Chelsea cat that swallowed the Coventry canary and noted that he was also 'blackballing' NFL quarterback Brett Favre, GOP talk show host Glenn Beck, and new Speaker of the House John Boehner.

When asked why he replied "I'm banning 'em simply because I've no use for the likes of three blokes (guys) who go around cryin about and shedding crocodile tears like they was lasses (girls)."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Piers Morgan has stated on several occasions that being British, the British males have a strong tradition, going back to the days of Robin Hood, that grown men do not cry no matter what.]

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