Written by Proffitt
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Wednesday, 19 January 2011

image for Elton or David could be father of child - Whose sperm was fastest?
Elton's slow sperm

Elton John has revealed that neither David Furnish nor he know who the Father of baby Zach is. John said: 'I believe David must be the father, because it stands to reason he is a better swimmer than I am so his sperm must be also.'

Furnish on the other hand said: 'Elton is just being modest. While I can out swim him on a width of the pool we both jacked off into the same jar so the sperm was all mixed up. I'd like to think our sperms may even have assisted each other on the swim, a little like the soldiers arriving on the beach in the opening scenes from Saving Private Ryan.'

A renowned fertility doctor has gone on record to say he believes Elton is the father. The Doc who wishes to remain anonymous said: 'Looking at pictures there are some clues as to the father of the child. Take a look at the hair or lack of it, which points to Elton being the father as he is really as bald as a badger.' The Doc then drew a pair of glasses on the picture of little Zach and everybody agreed it must be Elton's.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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