NEW YORK CITY - British journalist Piers Morgan's new show Piers Morgan Tonight premiered with his first guest Oprah Winfrey.
The show which was shot in a Motel 6 room in downtown Queens has no audience, no cue cards, no visual Groucho Marx Microphone, and no suspenders.
Morgan was visibly nervous as evidenced by the fact that on three occasions he mispronounced Oprah's name calling her Opera, Ofelia, and Opium.
Winfrey was kind and did not correct him. She simply smiled and hoped that he would not call her Gabourey Sidibe who tips the scales at 603 pounds (literally).
Morgan's first question to the talk show queen was if she ever has uttered the phrase "Bloody 'ell."
Oprah looked at him and reminded him that he was talking to a former colored girl from Mississippi and no one in Mississippi talks with a British accent, much less uses the words "Bloody 'ell."
Morgan then asked Oprah how much money she was worth. Oprah looked at him and told him that it was none of his effen business. He asked her if it was more than a billion. She told him that she wasn't going to tell him.
He then asked her if it was more than two billion. At that point Winfrey got up off of her sofa chair, walked over to the Brit reporter, grabbed him by his crotch and said, "Now lissen up chump, and lissen good. there ain't no way dat I gonna be tellin ya how much friggin money I make okay? So stop axing me...good gracious as soon as dis interview be ova, I gonna get on da phone ta Larry King and tell da silly mofo ta get his 97-year-old cracker ass back and do his show, cause dis fella from da land of Queens such as Elton John, George Michael, and Boy George ain't gonna cut it, no how, no way, nopers."
Morgan asked Winfrey to cut him some slack. She laughed and said that the only thing she was going to cut was his crumpet smelling lips and his egomaniacal tongue.
Oprah then told him to ask her another question. Piers looked at his notes and asked, "Ah Oprah are you left handed?"
"Yes I be left handed." She replied.
Morgan turned red and asked if she was doing anything about the fact that she is quite overweight.
Winfrey shook her head and told him that she finally realized why he had gotten his sorry ass run out of England.
SIDENOTE: Morgan's other questions included asking Winfrey if she was wearing a wig. What her favorite Civil War song was. If she sleeps on the left side or the right side of the bed. And if Stedman is really gay or if it is all just an act.