Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Super Bowl, Dollar

Sunday, 21 August 2005

image for Justine Timberlake and Janet Jackson .. One year later
Timberlake after getting bag of marshmallows handout

(DRUDGE REPORT) -- While Janet Jackson is signing multi million dollar book, movie and HBO deals, her Super Bowl XXXVIII cohort, Justine Timberlake is rooting around in East LA dumpsters scrounging for his next meal asking "why?"

Reporters for Matt Drudge tracked down Justine Timberlake at an LA traffic light, gave him a quarter and had him, from a pay phone call in to Drudge's Sunday radio show. Partial audio transcript below courtesy of WCAN, Boston ..

DRUDGE ------> Ok, Timberlake. You HAD millions now you sleep in a drainage ditch. Talk to me.

TIMBERLAKE -> After .. after the .. Superbowl, I ..

DRUGE ---------> I SAID talk to me you're not saying words fast enough Timberlake.

TIMBERLAKE -> .. Like I was saying Mr Drudge, after, after .. Janet's .. TOP .. came off at the ..

DRUGE ---------> I don't have time for this (click) .. Callers? Somebody, anybody, phone me at 866 DRUDGE and tell me something about Cindy Sheehan, (ring), "Hello you're with Drudge."

Justine Timberlake. Once the lead singer for the wildly successful closet gay group, "The Backstreet Boys" at one time owned multiple yachts, a 687,000 square foot Mansion in Beverly Hills and 0.00000001 percent of Google.

"I think that Superbowl gig killed me" Timberlake told reporters adding,

"I didn't do anything wrong. Janet TOLD me to pull the top off .. I did .. I didn't know the whole THING would come off for .."

"The whole thing did come off though", media analysts say and the radioactive fallout from that double exposure simply skyrocketed Janet Jackson's career into the stratosphere while sadly destroying Justine Timberlake, forcing him to beg shamelessly for alms and marshmallows at East LA traffic lights. Timberlake told reporters,

"I sleep under bridges, I bathe in bird baths, even my Reebok's are over 3 months old .. life's not going my a'way these days."

Listeners do say that, Matt Drudge, apparently feeling regret about hanging up on Timberlake did tell his listeners on Sunday's show,

"If you're ever in East LA at the street light at 32'nd and Duval, give the tall white guy trying to be a tall black guy a dime or two .. maybe some marshmallows if you have any and .. enjoy your windshield wash.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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