Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 16 January 2011

image for Shakira Dumps Boyfriend of 11 Years And Takes Up With Manchester United's Chicharito
Shakira has had a 24 inch waist for the past 13 years. (photo courtesy of Chicharito).

LOS ANGELES - The Left Coast Mirror Magazine and The Right Coast Illustrated Revue are both reporting that Colombian songstress and belly dancer Shakira has dumped her boyfriend of eleven years Antonio De La Rue and is now seeing English football star Chicharito who plays for Manchester United.

The editor of LCMM Ambrose Appomattox stated that he personally talked with Shakira for 45 minutes and she told him that she broke up with "Tony" because he wanted her to get some breast implants and she refused saying that with the speed at which she dances she would be spraying milk, or rather silicon, all over the people in the first three rows.

She smiled and said that when she first met Chicharito, that he told her that he liked a woman with small breasts.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Shakira's titties are definitely small as she wears a size A Cup.]

Skakira blushes and says that Chicharito pointed out her lyrics to her song "Whenever Wherever" in which she sings 'Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains.'

He then told her that her small and humble breasts are the two most beautiful little chi-chi's (boobies) that he has ever seen including Kate Hudson's, Keira Knightley's, Sandra Bullock's, and Taylor Swift's.

Shakira confessed that when he said that, that he had her. She knew that at that moment she had found the one guy who would love her for her hips and not her tits.

Chicharito's real name is Javier Hernandez Balcazar and he was born in Mexico. His nickname means (Little Pea) and he got the name because his father Javier Hernandez Gutierrez who also was a professional soccer player was nicknamed Chicharo (Pea).

When Javier was asked about the eleven year age difference between him and 33-year-old Shakira, he merely smiled and replied that her birth certificate may say 33, but her body whispers 23.

He said that he has dated many belly dancers before but never one who could shake her hips at an amazing 124 miles per hour. Chich giggled and said that it is great to just lie in bed and let Shakira do all the work. He winked and said that she is definitely a 'Keeper.'

Shakira was asked by the editor of RCIR Morgenthau Paxtonhaufer if she didn't feel like maybe she was rocking the cradle a little bit.

She laughed and responded by saying, "Jes Meester Morgy, I am rocking dee cradle a mucho bunch, but dat is dee reason dat I am dee most amazing cougar in America."

Shakira whose real name is Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll has her hips insured wit Lloyds of London for $10 million.

She said that she was really honored last year when the World Cup Soccer Games Committee asked her to sing the official theme song entitled "Waka Waka Come Play With My Chubaka."

Shakira said that the song quickly went up to number one knocking off Justin Bieber's number one song, "Scratch My Nads."

SIDENOTE: The Colombian firecracker says that she is planning on leasing an apartment in Manchester, England so that she can be close to her new "Boy Toy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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