Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 11 January 2011

image for Carrie Underwood Denies Divorce Rumors
Carrie confided to a close friend that in five months of marriage her and Mike have only 'vavavoomed' twice.

PENSACOLA, Florida - Carrie Underwood, who has won more country music awards than Reba McEntire, Alan Jackson, Sugarland, and Ramrod Rick & The Cattle Rustlin' Band combined, performed before a sold out audience at The Orange Seed Auditorium in Pensacola.

After her performance Underwood met with a reporter for Tittle Tattle Tonight Papaya Ruckusgarden. Rucky asked her about the rumors going around that her and her husband of five months Mike Fisher were headed for the big D (divorce).

Carrie's eyes got kind of misty. She told Rucky that she is allergic to citrus and that is why she had so many damn tears in her eyes.

Papaya replied that she had the same problem except that she was allergic to pancakes and they made her ass break out in hives.

Underwood started laughing and she almost dropped her microphone. She looked around and asked Rucky, "Say girl, that old jive ass punk Kanye West ain't around here is he?"

Rucky laughed and told her that she heard that he was down in Burnt Bayou, Louisiana performing at a Lobster Kissing Festival at a local Motel 6.

Carrie then got serious and said that each day she is feeling more and more like a hockey widow. "Because your husband Mike plays for The Ottawa Senators up in Canada?" Ruckusgarden asked.

Underwood raised her eyebrows and replied, "No because he plays for The Manchester United Red Devils over in England...of course because he plays for the Ottawa Senators up in Canada you silly looking cow milker."

Rucky asked her what Mike's favorite color was. Carrie did not know. She asked her if he preferred hot dogs or hamburgers. Carrie shrugged her shoulders.

She then asked her what his favorite position was and again Carrie shrugged her shoulders and replied "I think it's left wing but I ain't positive."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Carrie Underwood reportedly confided to her bikini waxer, Millard Bloomingbanks that if she does not get to see Mike by Easter she will most probably file for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable non-vavavooming.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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