Written by Lady Godiva
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Sunday, 9 January 2011

image for Queen Elizabeth - Slave Driver - Gordon Ramsay comments
Queen of Mean - caught smiling. She's just heard 3,000,000 quid has been added to Royal coffers from entry fees to palace

Queen Elizabeth is - it appears - a Royal slave driver. Apparently she will NOT be giving staff at the 'Palaces' the day off on William and Kate's Wedding Day. Naturally, they are all pretty upset, which is putting in mildly.

No wonder she is having a hard time enticing three news chefs to join her 'employ'. Knowing ahead of time that they'll be working like the clappers preparing a wedding breakfast on the big day when the rest of the population gets a day off, has resulted in many 'would-be applicants' changing their culinary minds.

Top Chef, Gordon Ramsay, although NOT planning to apply for a position at the Palace, had this to say,

"Queen Elizabeth is a f***ing slave driver. I know the word on the street is that she's a bitch to work for at the best of times. As a chef, I wouldn't want her poking around in MY kitchen. She has a face that would curdle the milk. Who the f**k does she think she is?

The other staff, who act as guides and such at the other bloody Palaces have to work so that Liz can continue to rake in the dosh. She's expecting millions to be added to the Royal coffers on the big freaking day as visitors enjoy their day paying to wend their way through Royal rooms.

Christ, couldn't she just get some poor f***ing caterers in who would just LOVE the opportunity to earn a few extra bob? There's lots o' buggers out their who'd fall over each other to earn a bit of extra cash.

Yeah, Liz could become The Queen of Hearts if she did a simple f***ing favour for the 'working class' folk. Instead - she'll continue to be known as the Queen of F***ing Mean as far as I am concerned."


Gordon was fuming as he returned to his restaurant accompanied by two massive bodyguards who he has hired to be with him 24/7 since his little faux pas in Costa Rica recently.

Morrisons are bringing out a special commemorative mug for the Royal Wedding, which will include the Morrisons' logo as well as the usual pictures of the Royal Couple, Crest and Wedding Date.

The mugs will be 'free' with a 2L bottle of Diet Pepsi. There will be a limit of 4 per customer per day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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