Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 9 January 2011

image for Taylor Lautner and Lily Collins Seen French Kissing In L.A.'s Trendy Cafe La French Fry
Cafe La French Fry serves Papaya Croissants which Kirstie Alley said are the best west of the Mississippi River.

WEST HOLLYWOOD - According to unnamed sources the co-stars of the film Abduction, Taylor Lautner and Lily Collins were spotted at the famed Cafe La French Fry where the couple was French kissing between taking bites of their order of Deluxe French Fries.

Gaston DuFudeaux, a waiter at the cafe, informed a reporter for West Hollywood's TV Channel 19 that he observed Lautner and Collins in various stages of French kissing, or as they say in Cleveland, 'tongue wrestling.'

DuFudeaux observed that the two were acting as if they were on their wedding night. He said that he finally had to go over and inform the couple that they were in a family establishment and that both really needed to put their jeans back on.

Collins complied with his instructions immediately, while Lautner took about three more bites of his French fries before he did as DuFudeaux had asked.

Lautner who has dated Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, and Kathy Griffin in the past told the waiter that he did not understand what all the fuss was about since he did after all have his boxer shorts on.

Collins who has dated Harrison Chad, Boo Boo Stewart, and Justin Bieber asked him not to make a scene.

At that point Taylor became quite upset and told Collins that just because she was the daughter of the fantastic Phil Collins was not reason enough for her to tell him what to do.

Collins who appeared in the movie 90210 and the two sequels 90211 and 90212 stood up and told Taylor that she was going to leave because he had embarrassed her in front of a busload of tourists from China, or Japan, or Korea, she wasn't sure which country they were all from.

Taylor stood up and told her that he was sorry. He begged her to please stay. She smiled, took a bite of one of his French fries, and sat back down.

At that point one of the little Asian girls, walked over to her and asked her if she was the famous Disney star Dora The Explorer. Lily blushed and said that she was. The little girl asked her to please autograph her half eaten papaya croissant.

Collins did and handed the half eaten pastry back to her. The little girl looked at the signature and then back at Lily. "Hey" she said sterly, "My croissant say you name is Riry Corrins (Lily Collins), but you no Riry Corrins, you Dora the Exprorer (Explorer)."

The little girl took the croissant, tossed it in the trash can, and walked off saying "Americans are sure a bunch of fraky froks (flaky folks).

In a non-related story. Black Eyed Peas frontman will.i.am. has reportedly told Barbara Walters that if he can't have Cheryl Cole he will go after the soon-to-be divorced lookalike Eva Longoria. The star of 'Desperate Housewives' replied for him to not even think about it because there was no way in hell that she could ever be THAT damn desperate!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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