Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 8 January 2011

image for The Ex-Homeless Man, Ted "The Velvet Voice" Williams Has Been Asked To Be A Contestant On 'Dancing With The Stars'
A 2011 Ferrari that Ted Williams has been offered to appear on Dancing With The Stars. (NOTE: The sticker price is $234,000).

HOLLYWOOD - The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that a producer for Dancing With The Stars has approached Ted Williams about becoming a contestant on the next edition of the dancing reality show.

DWTS producer Bernadette Penderlicki told T4 that she heard that Ted's 90-year-old mother Julia, who lives in Brooklyn had remarked that Dancing With The Stars is her favorite show.

Penderlicki contacted the man with the velvet voice and asked if he would be willing to appear on the dance show. Williams confessed that he cannot dance.

Penderlicki told him not to worry about it and that Kate Gosselin and Bristol Palin could not dance either but when they were paired with Tony Dovolani and Mark Ballas they became dancing queens.

Williams smiled and said that he would rather have a female dance instructor no offense to either Tony or Mark. Penderlicki giggled and said that she liked the way that he had reached down and 'pulled her leg.'

Penderlicki told Williams that he could have his pick of female instructors including Cheryl Burke, Lacey Schwimmer, Anna Trebunskaya, Chelsie Hightower, or Edyta Sliwinska.

Williams eyes lit up when he heard the name Edyta Sliwinska. He said that he remembers seeing a photo of her in the local Columbus Confirmer Chronicle and that the Russian native has the best looking legs, boobs, and booty that he has ever seen.

English judge Len Goodman was asked how he thought Williams would do on the dance show especially since he has no dancing experience.

Len who is known as the "Crotchety Grouch" smiled and said that he understands that Mr. Williams used to stand in the street with his sign and that he became very good at dodging traffic while collecting his dollar bills and change.

Goodman noted that if a man can move around a busy street with his feet going this way and that way, then with the right instructor he should be able to do quite well on the dance floor actually.

Bruno Tonili, known as the "Gaytalian" commented that Williams has a nice, slim, and trim body and that he could give him some private lessons and have the ex-homeless man doing the splits within eight hours.

Meanwhile Carrie Ann Inaba, the ex-Filipino beauty queen pointed out that she had seen actual footage of Teddy working on the street of his native Columbus, Ohio, and she swears that in the process of darting in and around traffic she saw him do the cha cha cha, the paso doble, the Argentine tango, the jitterbug, and of course the quick step.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I also saw some video of Ted on the streets of Columbus and I saw him doing the hustle (no pun intended) ].

In a related story. According to Left Coast Mirror Magazine the rumors about Kim Kardashian, Heidi Montag, Eva Longoria, and Lady Gaga all asking Ted out on a date have all been verified as being true.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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