Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 5 January 2011

image for Star Trek Captain Loses Post After Lewd Video Shown
Leonard Nimoy's gonads

The motto of the USS Enterprise, the vessel whose 5-year mission "to boldly go where no man has gone before", seems to have been taken all too literally, after it was announced that NASA has relieved a US spaceship captain of his command over the production of lewd videos on the ship.

The videos featuring Capt James T. Kirk were apparently made some time ago, and were described by NASA as "deeply offensive". One has gay slurs, women in the shower together and simulated masturbation. Another has a member of the crew wanking into a Vulcan's ear.

Officials said Capt Kirk's actions and "profound lack of judgment" had put his character and fitness to lead in doubt.

"Adm John Harvey Jr has relieved Capt Kirk of his command of the USS Enterprise," said NASA.

Capt Kirk's "profound lack of good judgment and professionalism while previously serving as executive officer on the Enterprise calls into question his character and completely undermines his credibility to continue to serve effectively in command," said a NASA official in a statement.

Capt Kirk has been reassigned to an administrative role, Adm Harvey told reporters on Tuesday.

He said:

"The Navy will continue investigating the case to determine which other officers aboard the ship knew about the videos. That Mr Spock obviously knew, as it was his pointy ear that was the recipient of some 'intergalactic love juice', but others' careers are in the balance. That kinky Mr Sulu is one of these."

Star Trek fans were shocked at the news. One, Gene BlackenBerry, 109, said:

"I'm shocked at the news. I always thought those tight-fitting sexy outfits were just a sign of the progressive fashion styles of the 1960s. It just goes to show you, doesn't it?"

A lot of other people yawned.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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