HOLLYWOOD - The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that the former governor of the Left Coast state of California has just signed with Cripple Creek Films to star in Sheboygan Saddlewood's epic motion picture Conan The Barbarian Vs. The Plastic Vampires From Hell.
Schwarzenegger confided to his agent Timmy Flaphickler that he desperately needed a movie role as his checking account has dipped way down into the six figures.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I spoke with Barbara Walters who informed me that the ex-governor's checking account, as of January 4, 2011, showed a balance of $873,291.13.]
Also starring in the barbarian-vampire epic with 'Arnie' will be none other than the undisputed young queen of plastic, Heidi Montag and the undisputed old queen of plastic Joan Rivers.
Montag was thrilled to get the part of one of the plastic vampires as she is already planning on which plastic surgeries she will be putting on her 'surgeries to do' list.
Rivers, meanwhile has not made a movie in 19 years, when she had the lead in the 1991 Amaretto Monteverdi film classic The Heretofore Untold Story of Betsy Ross's Sex Life.
Joan the Moan actually met Ms. Ross once at a flea market in Hackensack, New Jersey. Rivers noted that Betsy was looking for some material to make a flag for her granddaughter's wedding.
Sheboygan Saddlewood said that the film will be shot in and around the Los Angeles area including La Brea, La Habra, La Mirada, and La Palma.
He stated that he decided to do this in order to save money on plane tickets and so that there is no possibility of Ms. Rivers getting herself all traumatized like she did last month when she was subjected to a pat down at LAX Airport.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Rivers wanted it made perfectly clear that the story going around that she gave the TSA inspector agent a $20 tip is just not true. Joan giggled and said that she is Jewish and never tips more than $3.]