The Catholic Church has announced that God has commanded them to revise the Book Of Revelation, to include MTV's "Snooki Ball-drop" as a sign of the Apocalypse.
"OK, here's the deal," said the Pope, whose name I am too lazy to research. I think it's Ringo. "When the Third Seal is broken, the rider on the black horse brings famine and Snooki, who is worse than famine. In fact, we're going to change famine from 'Plague' to 'Mild-to-Moderate Inconvenience'."
Relevation 6:5-6 now reads:
6:5- And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand.
6:6 And I saw a corpulent whore in the midst of a giant snow-globe, and the beast therein sayethest, Lo, all thine food be mine henceforth, for I shall eat it all, and thine shall receive f--k-all.
This new plague stems from MTV's airing of "MTV Presents: A Fat Pig In A Ball", during which MTV dropped Snooki inside the kevlar and carbon-fiber-reinforced replica of the iconic Times Square New Year's ball, staged among jobless losers and 'Jersey Shore' fans in Seaside Heights, New Jersey.
The pre-taped clip aired as midnight approached during MTV's New Year's Eve special, hosted by some meathole with fake boobs. Snooki, Bundled in a short animal-print coat, making her look like an overstuffed chair in a cheap motel lobby, she wedged her fat ass in the transparent orb and did her best to help her fans ring in 2011.
"It's 2001, motherf--kers," the idiot screamed. "Who wants to do shots of Thousand Island Dressing?! WHOOOOOOO!"