Susan Boyle, having successfully completed her obligation to sing at The Priory Clinic in London, present home of many Subo Fanatics, spoke to one of our reporters at her home in Blackburn.
When asked how the 'visit' went, Susan took a deep breath and said,
"Well let's just say noo, Ahm glad t'be home in Blackburn. It was a wee bi' harrowin' A will be 'onest wi' yee, A were a wee bi' scared A was, tae pu' i' mildly. Och Aye!
A had asked ferr the fans t'be heavily sedated, as most of yea know. Well, Good Gordon Highlanders, those wee lassies must have constitutions of oxen ferr they were rright mental.
A went oot on the wee stage they'd se' up ferrme and A looked out at the poor wee lassies. They seemed t'be sedated an' the rrest o' 'i' so A were well satisfied and A began ma ferrst wee song. A starrted wi' Oh Holy Night an' by the end o' the second bar...those wee lassies rose frae their chairs like folk frae a Steven King movie and headed ferrthe stage.
A werr quite taken aback and knew nothin' maer till A was in ma wee rroom surrounded by ma bodyguards and ma 'people'.
Seems the drrugs had either no' bin strong enough orr the wee crazies'd 'cheeked' 'em.
Staff were still trring t'figure i' all oot when A was whisked away t'safety."
Susan was asked about the gifts she'd taken for her fans and she told us she had left them with the staff to give to the fans when staff thought the fans could handle receiving the gifts without suffering Post Susan Stress Sydrome (PSSS) as it has become know.
PSSS causes fans, who have recently been in direct contact with Susan Boyle, to fall to their knees weeping incontrollably. In between sobs they yell "We love you Susan. Please tell us you love us too."
It takes a team of experts working with each individual suffering PSSS and much medication (many of these medications are still in trial stages but are being administered to fanatics before approval in an attempt to save their sanity - though this is deemed to be a long shot at this point in time) to calm them down to a state where they can be non-violent to others around them and of no danger to themselves. Studies continue on this new phenomenon and medications which may be able to help sufferers
When Susan Boyle was asked if she'd visit the fanatics at The Priory if invited again, she answered,
"Well le' me pu' it this way...It'll be a cold day in Hell when tha' happens."