Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 29 December 2010

image for Selena Gomez Confesses She Wants To Be Shia LaBeouf's Girlfriend
A picture of Selena Gomez's 'Purity Ring.' (Photo courtesy of Larry King).

SANTA MONICA, California - Young teenage heartthrob Selena Gomez has just informed a reporter for The Tinsel Town Times Tribune that she has had a crush on Shia LaBeouf for quite sometime.

The girl who raked in a ton of money appearing on the Disney Channel's The Wizards of Waverly Place stated that she has dated some rather nice guys including Nick "The Stick" Jonas, Taylor "The Sailor" Lautner, Zac "The Pack" Efron, and Boo Boo "The Moo Moo" Stewart.

Selena, who also appeared on the TV series Sunny With A Chance revealed that she is getting ready to begin shooting on a brand new series spin off. The shows title has not been decided as yet, but it is between, Rainy Without A Prayer, or Stormy With Leaking Galoshes.

Gomez, who spells her last name correctly with a "Z" and not incorrectly with an "S" confessed that since turning 18, she has realized that she has really had to put her foot down when it comes to certain compromising situations where she has had to use the phrase "just say no."

She pointed out that she still wears her 'Purity Ring' and will continue to do so until her wedding day, when she will take it off at the church and replace it with the new tremendously expensive wedding ring she will be wearing in its place.

Selena has been asked several times how she manages to fight off the advances of some of her boyfriends who are not used to taking no for an answer.

Gomez smiles and says that it is very easy. She explained that before the date she merely informs the guy that if he dares to try and touch her in an inappropriate place that she will scream out the words "Stop! stop! stop!" at the top of her lungs and that people six blocks away will hear her.

Selena has confided to her pedicurist Molly Mixington that she would love to be Shia LaBeouf's girlfriend. She noted that the 24-year-old star of the Disney Channel's Even Steven is extremely mature and she has heard that he has said that he knows about her purity ring, as well as he purity tongue stud and he even remarked that he would honor her desire to remain abstinent until her wedding night.

Gomez said that the only thing that Shia is missing is the white horse, because he is most definitely her white knight in shinning armor.

SIDENOTE: LaBeouf started out as a 10-year-old stand up comedian. Since then he has starred in several Disney Channel shows including, Eenie Meenie Minie Mo, Sis Boom Bah, and Rah Rah Rah.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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