Written by Jack Melling
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Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Radio One DJ Tim Westwood is in hospital being treated for shock after discovering for the first time in his life that he isn't black.

Mr Westwood made the discovery after looking into a mirror at the Radio One studio and realising he actually has light skin instead of the dark skin he previously believed.

After making this discovery Tim Westwood fainted and had to be woken up by Fearne Cotton before being sent to a local hospital.

When Mr Westwood woke up he initially showed signs of aggression, but was calmed down after being shot with a tranquillizer. Once calm it was explained to him by a medical team that he wasn't black and would have to start a new life as a normal middle-aged white man.

Tim Westwood is making steps towards accepting his whiteness, but is still in a state of shock over discovering he isn't black.

An inside source says, "Mr Westwood still breaks into random raps and sometimes goes into long monologues about how his people have been suppressed for years. However, on the whole, he is making a good recovery from the initial shock."

Psychologists are working around the clock with intensive sessions that explain Tim Westwood's family tree in great detail proving that he did not descend from Jamaica as previously thought.

Steady progress is already being made and it's hoped by the end of this week he will use the word "sick" to describe illness rather than using it to approve of something.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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