LOS ANGELES - Cayenne Gayla Wheatgrass, the executive director of The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic, has just informed the news media that Lindsay Lohan (Patient #73013) has reportedly been involved in an altercation on rehab clinic property.
LiLo "The Pill" as Lohan has been nicknamed by the rehab clinic staff was sitting in the rehab clinic's Mel Gibson Honorary Anger Management Room listening to a speech by anger management instructor Talbot F. Neckingbrewster.
Neckingbrewster had just finished going over the 19-step anger management doctrine when suddenly Lohan stood up and yelled out an obscenity.
She was told to sit her freckled ass down and to apologize to her fellow classmates for her uncalled for outburst.
Lohan refused saying that she was a Hollywood starlet and Hollywood starlets never apologize for anything that they do, no matter how wrong someone may erroneously think that they are acting.
She said that she learned that trait from fellow Tinsel Town celebrity Paris "The Blank Look" Hilton.
Neckingbrewster walked over to where she was sitting and told her to get up and to go stand in the corner and think about what a pompous little slut she had been.
LiLo refused calling Necky, as the rehab clinic staff calls him, a little twit, twerp, twat, and a partridge in a pear tree.
He pointed his finger at her and Lohan bit it. Necky instantly got on his cell phone to call security. As he was dialing the number Lohan stood up on her chair and jumped towards Neckingbrewster as if she was a WWF wrestler.
She landed on the instructor and pinned him to the floor. She yelled out for someone to count to three. One of the other goofy patients, identified as Botany Leigh Muckalocker hollered out 1,3,2.
"Damn close enough!" Lohan screamed.
She then grabbed a handy bowl of fruit and she began hitting Mr. Neckingbrewster with bananas, apples, oranges, and a watermelon.
Lohan then began punching him as if he was a punching bag. Finally two of the other patients, the Sambalini twins, Gino and Gina stepped in and pointed a Glock 9 at Lohan and told her to put the papaya down and step back from the instructor.
Lindsay did as she was told. Security guards soon arrived. They took Miss Lohan away and placed her in solitary confinement where the crazy ass freckled bitch will remain for two weeks.
In other news. Frankie Avalon, the king of the 60s beach movies, has just announced that he will soon begin filming on his 75th beach movie, entitled, 'Beach Blanket Pat Down.'