Written by Morse
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Monday, 20 December 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan In Rehab Rampage Rummaging for Cat Nip!
Lindsay Lohan: A car crash waiting to happen?

Lindsay Lohan, Hollywood's most confused former teen idol, was said to have gone on a rampage whilst still undergoing rehab in one of Beverly Hill's most exclusive get aways for wayward
souls.

According to an inside source, the clinic, said to be overflowing with celebrities in for
'a tune up' before the festive holidays, was forced to go on lock down after Lindsay's melt down.

The incident is said to have started when the starlet tried to squeeze herself into
Charlie Sheen's Christmas stocking and then rehang it in the closet of his private suite as a festive surprise.

Charlie, who had been expecting a $9,000 escort, and not a $5 dollar whore, did not take well to the intrusion and then in a fit of rage tore up his suite, overturning furniture and forcing Lindsay, still encased in the stocking, to hop into the bathroom and lock the door, in an attempt at refuge.

Attendants managed to break down the suite door, subdue Charlie, and using a rolled up $100 bill they found on the floor, pop the bath door to rescue Lohan.

Lindsay was returned to her room, but within a half an hour complaints started to come in from around the entire wing when a nude Lohan was said to be pouncing on other patients demanding that they 'give up the catnip' all the whilst yowling and trying to claw their
arms.

Officials at the clinic said Lindsay had been drug free for at least 30 days, "as far as we know," but that withdrawal symptoms can take many strange forms.

She is due to be released to resume her normal lifestyle sometime in January, but the exact release date has not been finalized due to certain 'behaviour abnormalities' noted in her
medical files.

Said Luther Strongfellow, the ward security attendant, "Man, that's one wild pussy...we won't be sad to see her go, but I don't give her 24 hours out in her Maserati before she either kills somebody or does a James Dean!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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